Open minded discussions.

My mother

Loving, strong, beautiful, sophisticated, demanding, caring, understanding...
The list will go on. Because it is a mother I am writing about.

There is no specific way to describe the woman who gave us birth. She is everything.
There is no compliment that could justify the beauty of her love.
There is no greater idol than her who carried us for whole nine months without any complain.

If there is anyone after God then it's her who comes first. She comes second. And she is the third. And for me she might even be the infinitith.

There are all kind of relationship between a mother and child.
Some mothers are too caring. Some are overprotective. Some friendly. Some understanding...
You cannot possibly put them on one category! Therefore there are all kind of relationship between a mother and child.
I  and my mother's relationship falls on one of those. I still can't figure out which. Maybe that's because we share a little of all those.
We have had our fair share of disagreements. We have had our  moments.

My mother.
She is naive. But how be she so cunning as to trap me in a prison which is locked with a lost key?

She is caring. But how could she not see the pain I was in? The grief I had endured just for her sake?

She is loving. But how could she not love me enough to save me from myself?

She is everything. But why couldn't she be the one thing that I needed the most?
A  person on whose shoulder I could cry out my grief? The person who would care for what I want in my life? A person who would put me first before the fake society and pride?
Or maybe just someone who wouldn't judge me for being me?

Even after her being all those I love her. I'm grateful to her for raising with love. I respect her for the harsh life she had endured for her family. I love her for being my mother.
I might never forgive her for making me the person I'm today but I can't ever thank her enough for it either.
She had made me realize how broken I'm, yet it made strong. She showed me how insignificant I'm on my own without someone's support, yet it made me realize my own importance in their life.
She had pointed out everything that would hurt me but only made me more aware of what I should be. But still I love her.

I love her enough to smile just for her happiness when my heart is still breaking more than it already was. I could bounce with joy when my soul is weeping.
I could say her I'm happy in life when I'm just suffering every second of it.
But I will never let her see that side of me because I know she will never forgive herself for putting me through all those things that had broken me beyond recognition.
All I will ever utter is that 'I love you mom' and 'I love you enough to go through all these my entire life for your satisfaction and happiness', this  I will add silently so that she doesn't hear.