Bucky Barnes/ Winter Soldier Imagines

Forever

Three months, two weeks, and four days.

That was exactly how long Bucky had known Y/N. It wasn't that long of a time, at least not compared to the decades since he was born, but it was a good enough time to feel like it lasted for forever. Bucky doesn't always have the best memory; sometimes, dreams feel more like reality and scraps of times from years long gone confuse themselves with what happened yesterday. This being said, Bucky clearly remembers every detail of the moment he first met you.

It had been a rainy day, the dismal chill familiar of foggy Octobers out in full force. The glass and concrete of the tall buildings around him were barely lighter than the dark gray sky, clouds pressing in around the tops of the skyscrapers. Bucky had shoved his hands into his pockets, the cold weight of his metal arm especially present in the freezing air.

Then, he had seen her. It seemed cliché, too imaginative for a supposedly stone-cold soldier such as himself, but the woman walking towards him looked like a ray of sunshine. She was dressed in a warm coat, flickers of a yellow dress darting out from underneath its folds. Her eyes shone despite the dimness of the day.

Bucky wasn't used to speaking to civilians. He shouldn't be, anyway. There are always spies dressed up as friends, malice hidden behind innocent smiles. Bucky should have kept walking, ignored the woman, and maybe even forgotten her in a few minutes once their shadows had passed each other by. Yet something in him told Bucky that leaving her behind would be the greatest mistake of his life.

He was preparing himself to open his mouth and speak when he saw the young man behind her. This man is in dark clothes, hood pulled up to hide his face. He draws out a small knife from his pocket, quickly cutting the strap on the woman's purse before attempting to run past her and melt into the crowd to make his getaway. However, this man hadn't intended on someone interfering with the theft, especially not someone who'd been trained in combat for the last 70 years.

Bucky moves quickly, with the dangerous efficiency of a deadly soldier. He steps to the side, blocking off the thief's escape route. His metal arm flies out of his pocket to rap sharply on the man's right hand, sending the knife clattering to the ground. Bucky's right arm grabs the purse. The thief blinks up at him in terror, then takes off in a flash when he realizes Bucky isn't looking for a fight. Or at least not now.

Bucky bends over to grab the knife, idly flipping it over in his hands. It's cheap, probably purchased at some sporting goods store from the camping section. The thief most likely just needed the money, and so Bucky ignores the retreating man to hand the purse back to its grateful owner.

The woman beams at him. "Thank you so much! Oh, my name's Y/N. By the way." Her smile could light up the entire world. Bucky shifts slightly. "Bucky. I'm Bucky." The woman ties the strap of her purse back to the bag and slings it over her shoulder, this time with slightly more care. "Well, I appreciate it, Bucky. I don't know what I would have done if I lost my purse. I'm about to go into a pretty important meeting, and I would have needed my keys." Bucky glances over his shoulder to make sure the thief isn't coming back. "No problem."

The woman smiles at him one last time, then moves forward to start heading on her way again. Before Bucky can back out of it, he calls out to the woman. "Wait, Y/N?" She walks back to him. "Yeah?" "Can I have your number? I know we just met and all, but-" She cuts him off with a grin. "Absolutely. Here it is." She fishes out a pen and a slightly folded sticky note, scrawling out a series of digits onto it before handing the note back to him. "Thanks." Bucky takes the note, looking from it to the departing woman. Did he really just do that?

It turns out asking Y/N for her number was one of the best things he ever did. He calls her soon after that first meeting, and she answers happily. Their first date is to a small restaurant in some corner of town, the second was walking through a park, and things just got even better from there. Bucky feels like he can finally let his guard down around her, and have a chance to be the smiling man he was before all the traumas of yesteryears had come crashing down around him.

The night is cold when he wakes. For a second, Bucky can't remember where he is, and he jolts upright in a panic. His eyes feel clouded over, and he sits there, chest heaving, until the details slowly start piercing themselves back together again. There are faint patterns of moonlight dancing in through the thin, filmy curtains. The bedroom door is faded white, open just enough to let the air flow through the room. The blankets, now rumpled and in disarray, are wrapped around him in an effort to stay warm in the late January chill.

He's in Y/N's apartment. That's right. They had arrived late last night, stumbling up the stairs due to a combination of alcohol and exhaustion from too many nights spent up until the early hours of the morning. This is Y/N's apartment. It's alright.

Y/N is lying next to him, starting to stir and sit up. He must have woken her. She looks up at him through eyes just starting to open, one hand unconsciously rubbing her face. "Nightmare?" Bucky just nods. "Yeah. Sorry to wake you." Y/N flashes him a smile, bright despite the darkness of the night. "Don't worry about it. Here, I'll go make you some tea." She starts to swing her legs over the side of the bed, but a sudden, unidentified panic hits him and Bucky reaches out an arm to stop her.

"Wait. Don't go. Not now." Y/N glances back at him. He must look troubled, because her eyes soften and she pulls the blankets back up around her, settling back into bed. "I can do that too. Is there anything you want to talk about? Something in the nightmare, maybe?" Bucky sighs, pulling Y/N close to him. "It's one I've been having a lot recently. There's some problem, you get hurt, it's my fault. It's like I see you die over and over again, and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

Y/N reaches out to him, gently placing a hand against his cheek. Her palm feels cool against his skin. "I'm not going anywhere. That I can promise you. I know your work comes with all kinds of threats and dangers, but I know that as long as I have you I'll be safe." Bucky can't help but think back to his nightmare again, and he finds he can't look Y/N in the eyes. She notices this, and a slight line works its way into her brow.

"But that's not exactly what happened this time, is it? You saw something different." Bucky nods reluctantly. "I-" His voice breaks off. "I am not a good man. You know that, don't you? If you knew half the things that I've done, that I've seen in my head, you wouldn't-" Bucky finds he can't finish his sentence. Y/N presses a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to be you, Bucky, a man with a good heart. Maybe things haven't always made themselves easy for you, but all I ask is that you try. Try to be proud of yourself and accept that times won't always be good."

Bucky breathes out slowly. How is that despite everything, despite the monster he's become, Y/N is still here? It had taken all of his courage to tell Y/N who he truly was, that he was the Winter Soldier who had murdered innocents. He couldn't look her in the eyes as he said it, sure that he was about to hear the sound of her footsteps heading towards the door and carrying her out of his life, but she had stayed. She was the one thing he could count on.

That's why tonight's nightmare had scared him so much. Yes, there had been the usual assortment of HYDRA villains and tragic memories, but Y/N had been at the center of this dream. She had stood over him, a twisted smirk replacing her usual happy smile. She had laughed at him, asking why he had ever thought she would want to be with him. She deserved better, didn't she? Even he knew that.

The worst part is that some part of Bucky's mind believed it. Why would she stay, anyway? He could only promise her darkness. Yet he reaches out to her now, fingers curling around the loose fabric of her nightshirt. "Stay with me. Please." Y/N tucks her head into the space beneath his chin. "I will. I'm not going anywhere, Bucky."

Bucky stays there for a moment, breathing in and out, letting himself enjoy this one instance where he can be at peace. "I love you, Y/N. I hope you know that. You're the only person who I think has ever understood me. I don't want to live in a world where I don't have you." And it's true- even on the stormiest of nights, she was there to usher in the light. When he needed to smile, to laugh, even, she was there. How did he ever get lucky enough to know her, to have her in his life?

Y/N smiles, and even in the darkness, he can almost see the happiness in her eyes. "I love you too, Bucky. Always have and always will. I think I knew that even when I first met you." Bucky laughs quietly in spite of himself. "Forever. I always knew that there would be some girl who'd come around and I'd want to stay with them forever. I think you might be that girl." He pulls Y/N closer to him, and cherishes the feeling of her arms around his. "I would be honored to be that girl. Only if you'll stay with me forever too." And he will.