Submissive • 5sos

Chapter 27

*Courtney's p.o.v*
I have 2 days till I can actually go into the rest of the house. I know they won't let me go outside for a while considering I did run away. I decide I hate them. I hate them for keeping me here, I hate them for stopping my freedom, I hate them for making me feel so confused all the time.

My previous plan of acting submissive did work slightly, so I might as well stick to it, but I always feel like I am putting on an act, even though to be like this is all I've ever known. It's weird.

I have seen the boys, they've come into my room, bringing food and drink. But I just pick at the food, it's not that I'm trying to starve myself, I'm just not hungry. I haven't talked to the boys as they've come in and placed the food tray on my bedside table. I haven't even looked at them, I just keep staring at the blank wall and thinking of everything. I feel crazy how much I've thought about everything, and I've decided I can't trust anyone. No one.

I've thought about my childhood, and my dad. I would be sad if I discovered he was dead, he was nice sometimes, and sometimes he did care about me, I guess his behaviour was preparing for the harshness of the world, kind of. It's strange to think of it from his perspective, why did he do the things he did? To protect us? I don't know, I'm unsure of everything at the moment. I've also thought of my future a lot. I never really thought of the direction my life was heading until now. I decide I want to continue my education and actually get somewhere in life, not end up living off of the government. These past weeks missing school haven't really helped though, I wonder if anyone notices that I've gone, apart from Lucy of course, but I haven't seen her in a while.

I don't know the exact date, but I know my birthday is soon, I'm finally going to be 18! I think the day is Thursday, and my birthday is on Sunday. Maybe I could ask if we could go and celebrate? I better try to be civil with them, even though I thoroughly dislike them now. Speak of the devil, the door opens, I peer at the doorway, and see Luke standing there, looking in. I sit up slightly and he looks sheepishly at me.

"Hi." He just says, rubbing the back of his head. I just nod my head, then glance at the clock on my bedside table; 11:58. I haven't really been checking up on the time, I just fall asleep when I'm tired and get up when I'm not, which means I have a weird sleeping schedule.

"Why haven't you been eating?" He asks, and I just shrug, his eyes flash with anger, at my short answer? I don't know, I cough and speak up.

"I'm just not hungry. I've been thinking too much." I say, I haven't spoken in 5 days, so you can imagine what my voice sounds like.

"Thinking about what?" He questions, walking towards the bed and sitting down. He's not sitting too close, but I still shrink away from his close proximity, he notices.

"Everything. My past, future. And this mess I'm in." I answer, biting my tongue slightly at the way I say mess.

"Why do you call it a mess?" He frowns, and I rock forward nervously.

"I don't even know why I'm still here." I say quietly, looking down slightly. When I look back up, he's staring at me with a conflicting emotion through his features, finally he speaks.

"I'll tell you everything."

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Short chapter I'm sorry, the next one is gonna be a long though! I think so anyway x