What If I Told You That I Like You

My Life in a Nutshell

It was a usual morning.

I woke up and attended my 3D modelling class. It was 9am and I almost fell asleep as I was waiting for my turn to speak up. As much as I loved to 3D model this class felt like I was imprisoned by expensive high quality bars of iron. It was a fancy experience where I lost my freedom. All of a sudden I heard my name "[Y/N]! Are you even listening to me? You'll never pass like this!" My face turned into a pale soulless expression as I watched my teacher speak such words. I showed him what I had done and rushed back to my bed grabbing on tightly to anything that I could grab onto like my pastel blue dinosaur plush Coco, my pillow and my messy blanket.

"I don't want to feel like this but I just can't stop...no matter what I I could never satisfy anyone...if only...just only I could escape..."

I gently reach out for my phone and search 'Dazai Clips'on YouTube. My mouth line curves upwards as I see his brown soft hair, those immersing eyes and those bandaged arms which love to wave around. Then suddenly a clip of him singing his favourite song turns on. I laugh as my friends pass by my room. I hear my friend shout out "What's so funny at 10am [Y/N]?"... I put my hand near my mouth "Oh its nothing it's just....it's just my favourite boy from my favourite anime" I continue smiling up until the point where I hear my friend say "Oh haha of course... well I'm off to see my boyfriend at his place see ya!"...My mouth line all of a sudden became straight as my heart sunk just a little bit. "Yeah have a good time" I smiled but really I'm lonely. I've been trying to find someone for me but it never turned out well. Once I liked this guy who was rather similar to me. Whenever our eyes would meet time would freeze and I know I know that sound's cliché but for real it was like that. It was not a fantasy but a reality up until everything went wrong. I miss him but I know that he would be here if he loved me the way I loved him.

Now I just sit around here trying to distract myself with anything that I can. I've got several hobbies. I love to draw. Animals, characters, anything really it just makes me happy. I've even managed to create a whole world filled with characters with my friend. And I must say my character Ace is one heck of a man haha. I also adore fashion. Like putting together outfits from the clothes I own its so fun! I would recommend it to anyone who would love to try it! Photography is great too. I often go out for walks at the beach to capture moments to show to my parents later. I just love seeing their genuine smiling faces as they look through the photos. It fills me with a warm feeling inside where I feel like I can do anything at the moment that's how happy I get. My parents are the ones who have been here for me since forever and it breaks my heart how they have to see me in that state where I feel like I shouldn't be in this world... They've done so much to keep me happy and yet I easily go back into that state.

Finally I also simply love listening to music and editing music videos. Music makes me makes me feel strong and motivated. I also often feel like a protagonist from some anime but... music also played a big role in my previous love story and all I can say is that it definitely made me fall harder.

*Ping*

Hmm? Who would be awake at this time? 'My maths teacher is actually a wet towel like he just gave me an assignment to get done in two days...in two days what is this?? Who does he think he is?' Oh haha I know exactly who it is. It's my best friend Carys. I laugh a little but I try to act serious as I reply 'Damn what the heck why! *insert angry emoji*. Then I receive another *ping* it's from Nicole...of course it's a voice message. I normally hate receiving voice messages because it takes so long to listen to them but despite what I say it does cheer me up. It's just that...hearing her reaction is so funny to me it's like listening to my favourite YouTuber. *ping* Carys sent a voice message back. As I lie on my soft bed I listen to their voice messages. They are both funny to listen to. This is what I needed to hear my friends.

I've always tried to find friends like these. I've been in several friendship groups but none of them made me this happy during an early morning.

We have Carys who is actually such a sassy queen at times and I love that about her like her lines are all so iconic. I remember in college I couldn't stop using her lines haha. She is also such a kind soul like as soon as I feel like the world is collapsing in front of my eyes she sends me such sweet message like if someone were to walk into my room whilst I read them they would just see me both laughing and crying as she often inserts a few of our inside jokes here and there. Haha even thinking about it makes me happy so happy.

And then we have Nicole who I originally met on Instagram. She is so funny and I love hearing stories about her life as she is such an exciting person and yet she still doesn't believe me! She has been here with me through my mistakes and more and she is the same friend whom I made a world of characters with like imagine having a friend who you can make a whole world with?

These two have kept me going and smiling and I couldn't ask for better friends. If I ever lose them I don't know what I would do. I would be crashed they are way too precious to me.