heather||dreamnotfound and sapnap

chapter 3

tw// mentions of drug use, self harm, suicide attempt

sapnaps pov.

i sat in 8th hour waiting for to end. my day went terrible after my panic attack. i don't know why it happened, i just really hope it's not getting bad again. sigh.

the bell rang signaling that the school day was finally over. thank the fuck. i didn't wanna be in this school anymore. i grabbed my backpack and went outside to the parking lot and got into dreams car as he was driving me home.

me: hey clay?

clay/dream: yea what's up?

me:can u stop at the gas station i need to buy something.

clay/dream: yea sure.

dream pulled into the parking lot of the gas station and i got out. i hope he didn't question what i was gonna get. i don't want him to know i'm relapsing into vaping again. i just need a juul. i can't keep going on without nicotine in my system. it helps me cope, i know it's a bad coping mechanism but at least it's not cutting.

i walked into the gas station and went to the guy at the front counter.

me: hey can i get a juul kit and a 4 pack of menthol pods?

employee: yeah. can i see ur id

you see, nick wasn't of legal age but he had a fake id that has been working since he was a freshman.

me:yeah here u go man.

i handed him my id and paid for the juul, i grabbed my stuff and got back in the car.

dream: what'd you get?

me: oh it's nothing.

dream looked at me suspiciously, i was worried i hope he wouldn't question me.

dream: nick. if it's a juul i won't be mad.

me:i'm sorry. i'm so fuckinf sorry.

dream: nick. give me the fucking juul i don't wanna see you relapse.

i sighed and handed him the juul and the pods. i know he cares about me but i just wanted to vape again. god. what the fuck am i gonna do now.  i don't wanna go back to cutting. but who knows. i just need something to relive my stress.

dream: if u ever feel like u need to go back to your unhealthy coping mechanisms please call me. i'll always be here for you sap.

me: thank u clay. i appreciate it a lot dude.

the car ride home was quiet. i was thinking about things i could do instead of vaping. all the ideas i thought of were all unhealthy. sigh. as dream pulled up to my house he put his hand on my thigh and i looked up at him.

dream: nick. please don't do anything stupid while i'm not with you. i'll be at ur house everyday at 5pm just to make sure you don't do anything. okay? i love u bro.

me: okay.. i'll see u later then.

i got out of car and walked into my house. god. i didn't think i'd worry dream. i guess he can tell when i'm getting my mental health is getting bad. if only he knew why i was doing bad.

- time skip-

i laid in my bed overthinking. i sat up and opened my night stand drawer looking for my blade. if i couldn't vape i knew this would relive stress. i finally found it and dug the thin piece of metal into my skin and slid it across. it hurt at first but i got used to the pain.  10 lines deep.

"10 lines deep now i can't see" - falling 4 me by lil peep

my arm was so fucking bloody. what the fuck am i gonna do.  sigh.  i cut one more line. i cut too deep my vision was getting blurry. fuck. am i dying?

before i passed out i heard a voice. it was dream.

"NICK."

a/n ahahaha cliffhanger ending. new chapter tomorrow possibly