Just Arson.

Chapter One.

Hi okay so this is your trigger warning and what not for what i decided to write. There will possibly be slurs, mention of abuse, self harm, drug use, profanity, and such.. Im sorry ;-; ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10. 20. 30. I cant release my foot from the gas pedal. 40. 50. 60... passing by so many cars. Eyes so blurry. 70. 80. Fury. Sadness. Trying to escape from my mind. 90. 100 mph. At this point I'm on an empty road not realizing how fast I'm going. 110. 120. Slowly getting faster. 130. 140. I can't get my foot off the pedal. 150 mph. I finally release the gas. I sigh a sigh of relief. Music is blasting through the speakers.  I finally start slowing down. 100. 90. 80. I slowly pull over. I turn off the car and yell. Nothing else. Middle of no where. Screams intoxicating the air. -God I'm so tired of doing this.- I start pulling at my chest binder starting to feel uncomfortable. -God why.- I lean on my car, a red 1968 Ford mustang given to me by my deceased mother. Drowning myself in my thoughts. -Dammit Arson. Why are you like this?.- I slowly get off the hood of my car and start to head back to the drivers seat. I hadn't realized how long I had been there. It was already starting to get dark. I slowly get back into the car slumping into my seat. I hit the dashboard almost crying. -Dammit.- I start up the car smiling at the roar of the sound. At this point I don't bother to put on my seat belt. -I'm tired of this.- I do a U-turn. I start to speed off but I slow down quickly realizing my dad probably doesn't want me back in his house. Its 11pm and I finally hit the freeway to head back home. I find the nearest 7 eleven to refill my gas tank and grab a few things. As I pull into 7 eleven I park at pump 3 and get out of my car.. -Am I passing? Will I get misgendered again?.- I tug at my shirt tryna loosen it. As I enter the gas station I head toward the monster energy drinks. I grab a Zero Ultra and slowly close the door as I feel someone approaching me.. "Ashely?" -Ugh great. It's a kid from school.- "uh..its Arson... Who are you again?" The kid responds with his name.. Jason... "oh right.. Jason sorry I'm not good with names". "That's alright, I'm sorry I didnt know you go by Arson" says Jason. "That's okay.. I have to get going. I have homework to do.."

Jason replies with "oh! Right my bad uh... see you at school?" "Right.." I reply with as I walk towards the chips and grab a bag.. -right...- I head towards the register and pay for my stuff and prepay pump 3. As I head back outside Jason stops me once again. he says "Look. Just take this." as he takes off for the last time. I don't bother to look at it quite yet. I put my things in the passenger seat of the car and leave the paper Jason gave me in my cup holder. I lean against my car as the tank fills up. As soon as I heard the click I knew it was time to go home. I hung up the nozzle, closed the cap and got back in my car.

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I arrived back home and checked the time 2:01am.. -Great..- I put the things I got in my backpack and head inside. I thought i managed to get in successfully until i heard his voice.. "What the fuck are you doing back here Ashley. I thought i told you to get out" his breath reeks of alchohol. "It's Arson" I say under my breath "Go lay down dad." -I seriously cant believe I call this man my father..- I think to myself "you can't tell me what the fuck to do! You're a fucken disgrace to this family" he screamed. -Disgrace...right...- I pushed past him trying to get to the stairs to ignore him until he yanked me back down making me fall to the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" I shrieked holding back tears. "Maybe it's time to show you what a real woman is supposed to be like" he pinned me to the floor putting his knee between my legs. -God I can smell his breath from here.- He got closer whispering "maybe if I show you how much of a slut you can be you'd change" and tried undoing my pants. I pushed him off with my leg quickly grabbing my bag and running to my room sobbing... I locked myself in my room tearing my clothes off feeling disgusted in my own body. -Hes my father how could he do this to me...-
He banged on my door scaring the living crap out of me. Still in my binder and boxers I hid in my closet knowing how easy the door was able to be broken down.. a few hours went by and I had fallen asleep in my closet still terrified. I had woken up to the sound of him stumbling down the stairs mumbling to himself.. I checked the time; 5:32am. -I might as well start getting ready for school.- I crawled out of my closet slowly stretching after being in a tight space. I took off the remaining clothes i had on and headed into my bathroom. I turned on the shower head and as I waited for the water to heat up I stared at myself in the mirror.. -why am I so fucking disgusting.. what did I do to deserve this....-