75 Days || Luke Brooks

13.

Rose's P.O.V

I walked towards the direction where Matty and I were going to meet up. I was a little excited- I had some sort of feeling in my stomach but it was okay. I was going to tell Luke later about it so I didn't have to lie or something.

I sat down on the bench and twiddled with my fingers. I knew Matty was going to be late. He was never on time.

Luke also said he needed to go to the hospital because they were going to take some blood from him. He said it wasn't something to worry about, which calmed me down.

In the distant, I saw Matty walking towards me. I immediately recognized him. He wore his familiar leather jacket, his curly hair to one side, a cigarette hanging between his lips and you could smell his strong manly cologne.

"Hey" He said and sat down. I shifted a little and he throw his cigaret away. "Hey" I replied.

"Well, what do you want actually?" I said as he kept looking at me. "Sorry, I just got lost in your beauty"

I slightly rolled my eyes while sighing. "Okay, I'll just tell this to you in the best way possible" He said and shifted himself in a comfortable position.

"Since we broke up, I haven't been the same anymore. I have been missing you ever since. I have lost a lot of weight, I smoke even more now, drink even more and I absolutely can't sleep at night. I'm not doing well as a functional human, you know? I still think about you, about us-"

"There's no us" I cut him off and he glared at me. "At least I wish there still was" He said quietly. "I still love you, Rose. I really do. And I'm sorry if I ever gave you the feeling that you were worthless, I'm sorry if it only seemed that I used you, I'm sorry for everything."

I carefully listened what he had to say and repeat everything again in my head. He still loved me.

How was I able to forget about him after he said all this?

"Say something" He begged while tearing up. "This wasn't a good idea. Matty, I'm happier now. I have Luke. Move on for fuck sake"

I stood up and grabbed my bag and started walking away.

"I know you love me, too" He called after me and I stopped walking. I turned around and he walked towards me, grabbing me by my waist. "Rose, Luke doesn't have to offer you as much as I do. I don't need an answer from you right now, I just hope we can restart. Even if it's just friends."

I exhaled and slightly removed his hands from me. "We'll see"

"Okay" Matty nodded and took a step nearer me, but eventually stepped back. I waved him goodbye and walked away.

-

I came home and threw my jacket aggressively on the ground. I was so mad, I was furious. I ran upstairs and closed the door behind me. I began throwing the stuff on my desk away, I threw some pillows against the walls and paper was flying everywhere. I then kneeled down on the ground and buried my head in my hands, quietly crying.

I hated being confused. I hated it so much. I have all mixed feelings right now. How was I going to explain this to Luke? How was I going to explain this to myself?

I didn't even know if I could trust Matty or not. Maybe he was talking bullshit, who knows.

I looked around me, at the mess I made. Sooner or later, I had to clean this up. I looked at my phone and saw a text from Luke, according that I could go to him if I wanted. I stood up and walked over to the bathroom to clean myself up.

-

We sat on Luke's bed with some snacks, drinks and cigarettes. I wasn't going to smoke, but the urge was enormous.

"So did they take your blood?" I said and Luke nodded, showing me the place where they did it. "I hate needles. I'm so frightened of it" I slightly laughed. "Well, it doesn't really hurt that much anymore" Luke said and I sighed. "I'll definitely cry"

Luke smiled at me and whispered how cute it was.

"So how was your day?" He asked while opening a bottle water. The words barely left my mouth, but I had to do this. "I met up with Matty"

Luke's smile soon faded and he bit his lip. "Okay, why?"

I knew he wasn't that interested, but at the same time, he was.

"Before you get any ideas, we just talked"

"Talked about what, Rose? You said you were done with him"

"I am, it's just the he isn't done with me. He claimed to still have feelings for me and that he missed me. Don't worry, I shrugged him off"

"Don't worry?" Luke raised his eyebrows,

"Are you doing this for me or for yourself?"

I honestly didn't know what to answer. I was bad at these kind of situations. I would usually get mad and yell but everybody would hear us.

"Luke, I don't want to start a fight with you about someone who doesn't mean shit to me anymore. I swear, I'm done with him"

I saw that Luke was still doubting but he should be glad that I told him this.

"So you aren't going to have contact with him anymore?"

"No"

I said that without thinking. I fully regretted it, but didn't let it show.

"Come here" he said and pulled me to him, on his lap. "I'm not mad"

"I know" I replied and kissed his lips. He deepened it but I pulled away. "Sorry, just a little tired"

"That's okay"

I stood up and stretched my arms out. "Hey, why don't you stay over tomorrow?" He asked and stood up. "Nobody's going to be home" He snaked his arms around my waist and kissed me again. "Sounds good" I cheekily smiled and laughed.

I seemed to have forgotten about Matty but in fact, I don't. There's always going to be a something inside me who needs him and who craves for him, but I was sure it was going to be replaced by Luke.

Luke's P.O.V

After Rose left, my mom came walking out the kitchen. "She's so lovely" She smiled and I nodded. "I know"

It didn't really bother me anymore about what she did with Matty. I trusted her and she trusted me.

"When will I get the results?" I asked my mom and pointed at my arm where they took my blood. "Somewhere next week. I'll just pray and hope that everything is going okay"

I nodded and sighed. I walked upstairs and picked the packet of cigarettes. I didn't know if needed it. I began with it and now, I couldn't stop. I hid it between some books and collapsed on the couch.

I started feeling sick again. Probably because of all the stress and shit. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths while my arms were wrapped around my stomach.

I dozed off while the pain calmed down a bit.

-

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