//𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 (Lee Christmas x Reader)

four.

It was always cold when the plane was in the sky. It made a lot of sense, but that didn't mean you had to like it.

You wrapped yourself up in one of the scratchy blankets tucked in with the first aid equipment and laid down along a bench, feeling the bumps and shakes of the plane soaring through the air. Gunner was snoring in the corner, Caesar was sharpening his blade, and Toll had his feet stretched out in front of him and a book in his hand. You could hear Barney and Lee mumbling in the cockpit, but other than that, it was almost peaceful.

Since Trench had shown up after your explosion in Russia, you finally felt yourself letting go- letting go of the events that had lead you there, of the bitterness you held in your heart for being babied your whole life, and the sadness you clung to like a shield over your heart.

When you thought about Lee, you decided that maybe love was enough. You had never felt so comfortable with anyone before, so magnetized. Maybe love was enough because even if he had never said it, you figured you would still take on the entire world just to see him smile. Love was enough for that. Maybe it always had been.

You curled up into a tight little ball, holding the blanket shut at your chin with both of your hands in fists. Part of you really wanted Lee to come by and sit there, rest his hand on your waist while you tried to sleep. You were starting to realize just how difficult it was to sleep without him. He was a goddamn addiction, and you knew it from the start. Now you were lost in it and had no way out, not that you even wanted one in the slightest. He was warm, and kind, and protective. You smiled in spite of yourself, closing your eyes and sinking into the bench with a pleasant sigh.

In the cockpit, Lee and Barney were mumbling to each other about flight information, comments about the job, and basically anything but the elephant in the room. Lee was hoping he wouldn't bring it up.

"Lee," Barney said, his tone stiffening as he sat back and flicked on the autopilot.

Lee hesitated and then glanced up at him, trying to focus down on the file in his hands. "Yeah?"

"We haven't had a chance to talk about that little scene," Barney continued, motioning down to Lee's legs. "You know, the one that lacked pants?"

Lee cringed and shook his head, turning to Barney with a frustrated sigh. "What about it?"

"What're you doing with her?" Barney asked- it definitely had not been the question Lee was expecting, and Barney could tell by the comical double-take he did.

"You and Trench finally getting married?" Lee teased, raising an eyebrow. "What's it matter to you?"

Barney rolled his eyes and chuckled, flicking a few more switches above his head. "You know what I mean. I'd hate for this little thing to get in the way of a job. Cause a problem. Stuff like that. Not to mention, kids had it bad for you since the day she walked in."

"It won't get in the way of anything," Lee said. "I had her back before and I'll have it now. Nothing's changed."

"I think something changed," Barney said, looking his friend up and down.

Lee met his eyes but didn't speak. He was more relaxed now than he was with Lacy. Happier. A better shot. A bit nicer, less talkative. Sometimes Barney even thought it was easier to understand the guy, which hardly seemed possible.

Lee looked down to his hands and swallowed, knowing Barney could see right through everything he said or did.

"Yeah," he said, thinking back to that first night at the bar, when you'd both been so shit-faced you couldn't see straight, and the way you felt in his arms as you danced, and then later when he slept with you on top of him and figured that was it- that was what had tempted Adam to doom humanity for eternity. You were Eve, or the serpent, or the apple, or all of it rolled into one- and fuck, Lee would take it all, every sinful damn inch of it, because holding you in his arms like he did that night just felt right. It felt so right he could remember it despite the alcohol blurring the lines, blurring the memories- he remembered the moment he started falling asleep, right when you fell to his side, naked and panting, your leg still over his hips and arm draped over his chest and head tucked against his shoulder and the way your soft skin felt against his fingers as he caressed your back. He remembered every second of that moment so painfully well. It plagued him in the best way, sneaking up on him when he was trying to focus. He could smell you around him, your hair, your sweat, the flowery warmth of your skin. God, he could fucking feel you in his hands if he thought about it enough.