//𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 (Lee Christmas x Reader)

thirteen.

When they saw the smoke in the air, they hurried.

Trench and Lee stayed as far apart as they could, but the tension melted to concern melted to fear as the fire lit up the night. They did not need to sneak in, because there was nothing left to sneak into. Some walls stood in the smoldering ash, pillars of cement and stone trying to do their jobs even in death. The ash mixed with the sand in the breeze, the smell of fire and scorched earth and night overwhelming their senses. They shed whatever disguises they had and stood at the cusp of the rubble, fingers twitching over unused triggers and eyes twitching over the battle they had not fought.

"Shit," Belle said, swallowing, glancing up at Gunner, who had happened to be right next to her. He didn't react to her. He didn't even really hear her over the voice in his head yelling, screaming at him that he had done this. He had fucked up. He had ruined something good- the last good thing in the entire goddamn world- because he had walked away. One of the few times he did what he was told to do in his entire miserable life, and this is what he got for it. He turned away, anger boiling over all of his edges, and threw his bowie knife down into the sand, the moon catching on the silver blade. He ripped off his scarf and let it catch the wind, blowing towards the dying flames. His gun hung on its strap against his back, bouncing with each heavy step.

He was breathing too fast and too heavy. His chest felt tight, like he was going to collapse, and he scratched at it, lips twisting into a hard, desperate grimace. He felt the sob break through his throat before he realized what was happening. He wept as he stormed away, thinking, selfishly, that he should've carried you instead of the hostage woman. He should've yelled at you and told you to take her and go. He should've carried both of you, one over each shoulder, and just ran.

He saw the cross then. He was confused, so he moved closer to it, the group still watching the building burn.

He saw the bodies, and it was not the worst thing he had ever seen before, so he didn't react. He looked down at the cross, at the snapped longbow at its base, decorated with bloody arrows, and the dog tags hanging and clinking like a wind chime from the joint of the pipes.

He stumbled back, breathing faster still, clutching at his chest, until he tripped and fell backwards into the sand. He turned over onto his hands and knees and vomited.

"Oh, fuck," Belle said, hurrying faster towards Gunner. There was no time to tell everyone else to stay back, and even if she did, she knew they would not listen, because they were like her, and she would not have listened.

She saw the gory sight and the cross, and remembered Lee saying you had been good with a bow. She let her eyes find the sky, covering her mouth with the back of her wrist, and placed her other hand solidly on Gunner's sagging back. He didn't push her away or shrug her off. He didn't even know for sure that it was her, and he didn't care to know. She doubled over and shook her head, watching from the corner of her eye as the rest approached at a run.

Barney started to slow when he saw Gunner looking down into a pile of his own vomit and Pup holding his back, fighting her own disgust.

And he was afraid.

He was afraid of what he might see when he rounded the pile of rubble that blocked his view. He was afraid of the feelings toying at his heart, daring him to take another step. He was afraid for Trench, and for Lee, and for you.

"Uncle Mouse," Pup tried, her voice catching as she pulled her hand away from Gunner. Trench had slowed when he saw the mess and the cross, and was walking towards it now, one step at a time.

She put a hand on his chest and shook her head, biting back tears as she pleaded with him. "Please. Please, come on, don't. Don't-"

He grabbed her wrists and pushed her gently to the side.