//𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 (Lee Christmas x Reader)

nine.

It was your first night back after the year away. You spent the night dancing around the garage with the guys, mostly Gunner and Caesar, and drinking whatever they handed your way. Lee was watching you from afar, beer in hand, wondering what you had done on that year long adventure that had changed you so much.

The changes were subtle, but they added up. Rougher hands, scarred, dry knuckles, and eyes that held his for a second longer than he was used to. There was a lack of fear in them, a lack of youthful naïveté. You carried yourself a little bit straighter, shoulders pressed back like a soldier, chin up as you spoke. Caesar had one hand on your waist and one hand on yours, fumbling around the open space in the garage as he sang out the lyrics to the song playing low from the speakers.

"Sailors fighting in the dance hall

Oh, man, look at those cavemen go

It's the freakiest show

Take a look a the lawman

Beating up the wrong guy

Oh, man, wonder if he'll ever know

He's in the best selling show

Is there life on Mars?"

You were giggling as Caesar sang it, his impression of Bowie a falsetto voice that cracked and shook at every note.

Lee looked down at his hands holding his beer and sighed. His mind went to Lacy, her black eye mostly healed but still a bit green along the side of her face. He couldn't get the image of that man walking out of her house from his head, and the feeling of falling that went with it. Maybe that was heartbreak. It wasn't really jealousy, because Lee knew what felt like, and he felt it as he watched you throw your head back laughing with Caesar. He wished he could dance with Lacy, hold her that way, and make her laugh without thinking of her on top of another man. He was so sure that he loved her, and it made his heart ache. It was the dream he wanted. The woman, the home, the life. Something normal to hold onto when he trudged through those pits of hell.

So far it wasn't something he held onto, just something he escaped. When he first met Lacy, thinking about her would make him smile even in the depths of a jungle under fire. He didn't know where that feeling went and he yearned for it, but every knife he threw and every bullet he shot just reminded him that he was not normal, would never be normal, and maybe was not even capable of it. That's why Lacy had found another man when he had been gone, because a normal life didn't involve radio silence. Still, Lee felt in his soul that he was worth the wait. To the right person, he would be worth waiting for.

You were standing in front of him waiting for him to notice you. He was lost in his head, staring down into his beer, and couldn't see what was right in front of him. You rolled your eyes.

"Lee," you said, kicking his toe.

He looked up at a you, a smile pulling across his cheeks. It was a half-smile, lacking his usual charm, and it made you frown.

"What is it?" You asked, placing your glass down beside him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, setting his beer down as well and crossing his arms.

"Something is bothering you," you said, mimicking his pose, feet shoulder-width apart. He looked you up and down and shook his head, laughing a little. It was a gentle laugh that was born and died in his chest, just a puff of air as it reached the world.

"I'm alright, kid," he said.

You reached out and grabbed his wrist, tugging him towards the door. Confused, he followed after you, glancing back at the guys who were making faces as they watched. Caesar wiggled his brows and Gunner lifted his beer. Barney watched with a straight, set face, arms crossed high over his chest.