Ziva David - NCIS

Chapter 8

My eyes stay open all night. My reflexes coiling for attack, my mind buzzing.
Why did they want to help me? All I did was push them away. I look over to Tommy, sleeping peacefully. Then suddenly, he starts twisting and shaking again. Here comes the yelling.

"No. Ziva, no no. Leave her alone!" He starts. I sigh, roll off the slab and start waking him up from his nightmare.

"Tommy this is a nightmare. Wake up. Tommy wake up." I repeat softly until his eyes finally flicker open.

"Ziva, Ziva." He grabs onto my arm. Pain shoots through me but its minimal, the pain is nothing.

"Breathe you idiot. Everything's going to be ok." I reassure him before perching next to him on his slab.

He reaches up and pulls a strand of my hair round his finger. I pull my long hair to the side. Then, the elevator doors ping open and Gibbs, McGee, DiNozzo and Ducky step out.

"What happened? We heard screaming." Gibbs scans the room.

"Nightmare," I simply say.

"If I may ask, what are these nightmares about?" Ducky moves forward.

I speak in Hebrew to Tommy.
"He's going to ask you what your nightmares are about. He'll be conducting a psych evaluation on your answers." I explain.

He tilts his head towards Ducky and lets go of my hair he was playing with.

"My nightmares? Are about my... discipline in Israel. The images flash through my mind. I can almost feel the pain. I remember myself showing emotion, thrashing about and yelling. Then, my mind shows me you." He turns to me. "I remember the hours of pain, and you. You were just sitting there, showing no emotion. Just staring into my eyes, not showing feelings. I remember your wounds and you just sitting there. Then, I watch you being thrown to the floor. And many other things." He grabs a piece of my hair and plays with it again.

"Ziva, is that true." 4 eyes burn into my face as I look down. Swallow the emotions, don't let them see. Conceal, don't feel.

"Every part of it. Is true." I almost whisper.

"Why do you let him?"

"I let him. I want to die every day." I look up finally.

"What's stopping you?" Ducky asks.

"Psych Evaluation. Great." I mutter in Hebrew and Tommy chuckles slightly.

"What's stopping me? I've already died inside." I say coldly.

"We can help you." McGee says.

"Help? What good would that do? He would only take it out worse on us."

"Tell us what we can do." Gibbs says.

" Everyone has secrets. One gun, one bullet, one flick of a finger. No second chances. That is the Mossad guideline. I came up with it. It means in an unspoken language- everyone has something they don't want to tell. One gun, one bullet, one decision. To do the right thing or wrong? To choose life or death? No second chances." I close me eyes.
"When my father bought me back to Israel, he said to me. 'You led a happy life, with the people you loved. Then, you went to America and they changed you. You adapted and learned to love them. You came back, no second chances of that old life you once led. You lead a different life now.'" I open my eyes.

"It's deep. Many meanings." I sigh. "He channels his emotions into me and I let him because there is nothing left of me inside."

"We can help you." Ducky repeats.

"Well go on then, save me from this hell you call a life." I shake my head.

"If you had the choice to stay with your father in Israel or come here, which would you choose?" Gibbs looks at me in the eyes for the first time.

"Here, but surely your country means more to you than me?" I let Tommy play with my hair again.

"What do you mean?" All of them step forward.

"My father is planning an... attack. He wants to know all the information from the CIA, FBI, NCIS, MI6. In 3 days time, he's going to hack into the system and create the biggest national security threat known." I say.

"Can we stop it, the attack?"

"Yes, but only 2 people can disarm it." I reply.

"Your fathers one of them, who's the other?" McGee asks.

"Me." I say.

"So in 3 days, he's going to launch an attack."

"Yep. To disable it I would need to have an untraceable computer that I can use to gain access into Mossad database. The program is stored in one of the most high level storage. We delete the program, there's no threat. The fail plans and I get almost killed for not doing anything to prevent it." I finish my explanation.

"If you disable it, you can come back to DC. You would be an agent again. Wouldn't you like that?"

"I would but there is one condition that my father will force NCIS to do."

"What's that?" Gibbs asks.

"Any agency with interest in a Mossad officer working for them fully, they are required to stay in Mossad for 7 days to experience the officers day to day life." I recite from the rulebook in a dull voice.

"So,"

"So if you want me to come back, you have to spend a week in Israel. And my father. In Mossad."