Numb Addiction

c6 - smoke + 'family' stress

It's been one week since my first official college party.

It was nothing special, honestly, I went to better places when I was a younger teen, although this party did have good supply and shit, which was quite enjoyable.

Tomorrow, my social worker, Missy, is coming down for a meeting. She said she's seeing a boy here too, that she placed here aswell. Apparently she can't disclose personal information to me about him, which is fair enough.

She's coming to check my room. It's fine, once I'm eighteen she stops, but her and I have kinda built an unprofessional friendship, so I'm dreading my birthday in the summer.

Missy is only fifteen years older than me. She had a kid when she was a teenager, who would be my age, which is why I think she feels so responsible towards me.

She had a baby boy, and dumped him in a bin behind Prezzo. She hates herself for it.

Normally, I hate people who abandon their kids, but I kinda understand her, you know? She was young, and clueless, her child was hopefully placed somewhere that could give him a better future.

The bell rings, signalling the end of history. I get up and go to the cafe on site, ordering nutella toast and a hot chocolate.

"Hey, Cat!" Rhiannon and Brandon walk towards me.

I smile at the sight of my best, and only, close friend.

Brandon sits on a chair, gesturing for Rhiannon to sit on his lap. "You hangover?"

Laughing, I shake my head. "I don't drink."

"Oh, shit then."

I smile awkwardly, sipping my hot chocolate, as I'm not the best with conversation, unless I know the person well.

Rhi notices my discomfort, and takes over the conversation with me.

******

Tossing and turning. I need a smoke.

I crawl out of bed and grab a zoot, trying not to wake Sin up, not that I care, I just know how pissed I'd be if he woke me.

The cafe earlier ended up being relatively pleasant. Brandon seems like an okay person, and Rhiannon seems smitten with him. It won't last, relationships never do, but to each their own.

I crawl back in bed, smoking gently.

If you can smoke gently, anyway.

"Little red?"

Is that me?

"Sin, go back to sleep."

He sits up, rubbing his eyes, looking in my direction. "Your smoking?"

I quickly put out my zoot. "Not anymore."

"Are you, like, addicted?" He frowns.

Just because he's seen me smoke a few times, he jumps to presumptions? Asswipe!

"No," I pause before snapping, "can you mind your own business? Just cause we're roommates doesn't mean we have to be friends."

He puts his arms in a surrender motion. "Girl, you need to fucking chill, man. Maybe I don't wanna be friends."

"Fine." I roll my eyes, as if I care.

He looks at me, then mutters, "Fine." before laying down once more.

It doesn't take long for him to start fucking snoring. Dickface.

I can't sleep without a zoot, not around September/October time. That's when the nightmares begin.

In two weeks, it would've been ten years since my madre died. Ten years since my sperm donor turned into a dickhead.

My fingers crawl to my wrist, stroking the gold bracelet I'm never without.

I miss Spain. I only lived there for the first three years of my life, but we visited there every year- until she died. She had no family left, they disowned her when she got with my sperm donor, which honestly doesn't surprise me, because he is the biggest dickhead one could ever meet.

My dad abused me, in ways no one should touch their kid, and I will never forgive him for it. Not that he's sorry, anyway. He hasn't bothered seeing me since he chucked me out, he's too happy with his new wife and daughter.

That daughter is your best friend.

Sometimes it hurts, seeing Rhiannon's lock-screen with him on. Rhi doesn't particularly care for him, at least not majorly, well.. That's what she says.

But he's an emotional manipulator. He can convince you that anything is your fault, and that anything is true.

I sigh, and lay down as comfily as possible in my college bed.

Sleep.

I need to sleep.