amortentia [d.m]

chapter. 30

*** Draco's pov

If it were any other person, I would have pushed them away, but not her, not Freyja. There's too much history, too much to loose. I can't leave her.

We have two things to concur; killing someone, and giving the amulet to the dark lord, and finding a cure to Freyja's curse.

That is way to much for two normal sixteen-year-olds to handle, but we are not normal, we are broken, lost, born without a choice. Not like Potter, not the 'chosen ones', or whatever bullshit he's selling. We are without a choice to be our own people, find ourselves. Our destinies decided, me in azkaban, and Frey without love and alone.

Destiny can be changed, right?
That's what I've been telling myself since she told me, it's been two weeks, two weeks since I found out, since she told me. Two weeks of me knowing she doesn't love me.

I have read all the books in the library, even the ones in the restricted section, I even asked bloody Granger to help me. I turned up empty, like always. I alway screw up. I feel like whatever I do isn't good enough, like I will never succeed. She will be without love, because of me, and even worse, she would have killed someone for the person she cannot love.

It's unfair. Why couldn't it be Potter, or Weasley? Why her, why Frey? Why me?

I guess one rotten apple, or in my case lots of rotten apples, spoils them all. Fucking hell.

It hurts, it hurts like hell. Like losing everything. I'm afraid I will lose myself. Even Frey. I cannot handle losing Freyja. She's my anchor, my safety. She is the reason I'm still alive, still willing to live this cursed life.

The worst part is I know who has the amulet, it's a student at our school. Someone in hufflepuff house. I do not want to hurt another student, let alone someone from the 'nice house', I wish it had been a stupid gryffindor instead. The front page in the Daily Prophet will be; 'Slytherin students murder innocent Hufflepuff'.

I haven't told Frey yet, she doesn't have to know right away. Killing someone so 'nice' will not be perceived nicely. She'll probably be angry with me for keeping it from her, but I can't tell her yet. I have to make a good plan, and give her time to back out. There is still time.

Pushing her away hasn't worked, she'll just have to back out herself. She's stubborn and doesn't take no for an answer, cliche, right? A morally grey boy and a headstrong girl. It sounds like something straight out of a stupid book. Pathetic innit.

She hasn't really been herself lately, I haven't either. Sneaking around with Granger hasn't helped, I know Frey will suspect something, think that I am cheating, which I'm not. Pansy will be on me like a wild dog if Frey suspects something.

——

"Malfoy!" Granger shouts and me in the hall.
I turn around to her running up to me.
"Ok, ok. I've found something! Can you believe it!" She's out of breath from running, barely getting the words out of her mouth.
"What, tell me?"

She drags me along whilst speaking.