amortentia [d.m]

chapter. 29

*** Draco's pov

Freyja can't love. She cannot love me or another.

It takes me aback. My Frey, who agreed to murder someone with me, the one person who I love the most in this filthy world, cannot love.

"I-I should have never tried to love. It's not worth it, it's not the same. I don't feel butterflies, not real ones, only the ones from amortentia, the fake ones. I so wish I could, but I cannot." Her eyes are bloodshot and soaked with tears, her sweet tears. "I want to love you, to love every part of you, grow old with you. Have my bloody happily ever after. I want to be your soulmate, your one true love. I want to crave you love, your touch, your voice. I want it feel the things people write poems, books and songs about." Tears soak through her shirt. She's out of breath, desperate to get the words out.

I stay silent, only sit down next to her, to her disheveled body, her broken heart. I'm at loss for words.
She sinks her head into my lap, and my hands twirl through her hair. She's so broken, so lost, so unhappy. I feel her hurt, her pain. She feels like shattered glass and crumbled paper all at once, like crushed flower petals, beautiful and broken. It's like holding a frail baby bird, but not at the same time, like a hurt lion, strong and wounded.
Her tears have stopped streaming, and only a few small ones drip down her red cheeks. I wait a long while before I speak, trying to find the right words to say;

"I still love you, your hair, your eyes, your dimples, your smile and everything else. I will never stop, not until the day I die. You're a part of me, of my soul, and you are my soulmate, even if I'm not yours. I will find a way, we will find a way. A way to be happy together." I kiss her head, and hear her sniffle a little. She adjusts her head.
"You will try? For me?" She looks up at me, hope in her broken voice.
"Yes. From now till forever." I realise that that is a big promise, but it's one I intend to keep. She will love, if not me, then another.

"It's a curse, from my mother. My grandfather cursed her for loving my father, for having me and my sister, I-i" She can't speak her name. "I can't bare children, I will die and the curse will follow them too." That might be the reason she despises her father, she blames him.
"That is the reason your mother is gone?" I hold her cheek.
"Yes. It is, she's gone because of me and I-D-U-N." She spells out her sisters name.
Idun, the goddess of youth.

And her name, Freyja, the goddess of love and fertility, how ironic.
The most beautiful of the goddesses, and Frey is indeed that.

But also the goddess of war.
War.
War and death.

A mix of beauty and destruction.