Snippets of Time

10. Two Squared

"And that's how to locate singular points of a homogeneous differential equation," I conclude with a satisfied smile, turning to face the lecture hall. I can count at least seven students asleep on their desks. "Any questions?"

Nobody responds. I'm not sure whether it's because everyone fully understands the content, or whether everyone is so confused that they don't know what they don't know. I'm presuming the latter.

"We'll go through some more examples next week," I sigh and attempt a smile. "And then we'll begin to learn about the exciting world of Bessel's equation and real and complex Frobenius series!"

It's so silent, I can almost hear crows cawing in the distance.

I sigh again. My enthusiasm never seems to catch on to the students. Or perhaps everyone is exhausted after a long week of intense studying and are just looking forward to the weekend. I can give them that.

The hoards of students begin to file out of the lecture hall without me dismissing them. I don't bother protesting—I'm just as exhausted as them, if not more.

Collecting my belongings, I start to leave the theatre, heading towards the exit. When I step outside, I notice the sky is painted with a hue of deep blue and grey, and the last remaining rays of sunlight are melting into the horizon. My chest constricts anxiously as I eye the quiet, abandoned road I have to walk through to reach the bus stop. The shadows seem to be dancing to the eerie silence.

I hate going home after sunset.

Especially in this town, rife with thieves and criminals.

Taking a deep breath, I clutch my Maths textbook to my chest and begin to head down the road. My textbook gives me a sense of ease; the familiar frayed edges and rough cover graze against the palm of my hand soothingly.

Plus, if anything happens to me, it can be used as a weapon to whack my attacker.

A sudden shift in the air behind me stops me right in my tracks. I freeze. A tendril of wind caresses the back of my neck.

Someone is standing behind me.

"Nazeefa."

The person whispers my name in a deep, sinister voice. My body starts to shake and I struggle to stifle a sob. I look around the street but it's completely empty—nobody is here to save me.

I can't die like this.

The chilling breaths of the person behind me are close enough to tingle my skin. I slowly turn around, my heart almost beating out of my chest as my eyes land on the...

Demon.

I do a double take, trying to take in the giant creature looming before me. With burning red skin and flaming horns, the demon stands almost twice as tall as me. The moonlight reflects off of its fiery, crimson eyes. It opens its mouth in an unearthly grin, rows of endless sharp teeth adorning the inside of its mouth.

"W-what are you?" I manage to get out. "What do you want?"

"I am Soulsnatcher," the demon hisses in that deep, unearthly voice as giant flames erupt from its ears. "I am here for your soul."

Well, duh.

"B-but why?" I cry out. "Am I dying?"

"No," Soulsnatcher snaps. "I am not here to take you to the afterlife. I am here to consume your soul. I've been trapped for almost three hundred years and I'm starving! I need a human soul to satisfy my hunger."

"But Mr Soulsnatcher," I start, with my best puppy dog eyes. "There are billions of souls on Earth. Why don't you eat someone else instead? I'm sure my soul tastes horrible. It doesn't even have any seasoning!" I attempt a laugh but Soulsnatcher's eyes narrow in fury.

"I don't like you," he snarls, taking a step closer. "You talk too much."

"I can talk less!" I protest. "I'll shut up. I promise, I won't talk ever again."

"It's too late now."

Soulsnatcher lunges for me with his flaming talons and on instinct, I scream and throw the Maths textbook in his face as hard as I can which lands with an awkward thud. Soulsnatcher stumbles back in surprise, and picks up the textbook from the ground in what seems to be curiosity. He examines the book for a few seconds before his eyes widen and he drops it suddenly, leaping away from the book as if it were on fire.

Which is ironic. 

"W-what is that?" he stammers, pointing at the textbook. His deep, demon voice has suddenly disappeared and he sounds like a frightened child.

"Um... it's my Maths textbook," I reply, arching an eyebrow. What's so scary about a book? "I'm a Mathematics Professor."

"You're a what?!" he screeches, tearing at his head. "N-no, you can't be."

Confused, I take a small step forward and the demon leaps back a few feet.

"NO! Don't come close to me, you monster!" the demon sobs.

"I just need my Differential Equations textbook back."

"DIFFERENTIAL EQUATIONS!" Soulsnatcher cries out, his face writhing in pure agony. "NOOOO!"

I furrow my eyebrows in bewilderment. Why is the demon so afraid of Maths, I wonder. Then it hits me.

Everyone is afraid of Maths.

"Oh, yeah," I smirk, taking another step closer. "There's also Riemann Integration in there. And Combinatorics."

"WHAT THE HELL!" Soulsnatcher screams, collapsing to the ground. "STOP IT! STOP! GO AWAY!"

I take another step closer, the newfound power surging through my veins.

"Did I mention Vector Calculus?" I grin. "Oh, and Complex Analysis. Because there's a whole lot of those in there too."

"Please!" Soulsnatcher begs, a waterfall of tears spilling out of his eyes and evaporating instantly from his body heat. "Please don't do this."

Another step and I'm standing right in front of him.

"Okay, Soulsnatcher," I say. "I'll stop. But only if you promise not to eat any human souls. Because if you do, I swear I will Möbius strip your face and topology it into a gamma function. And then I will slap you with Fibonacci sequences and shove iterative formulae down your throat. Understood?"

"Okay, okay," he cries, trembling in fear. "I promise I won't eat anyone. I-I'm too scared."

I smirk, the perfect opening too easy to take hold of. "Don't you mean, you're two squared?"

"AAAAGHHH!"

The demon picks himself up and takes off as fast as he can, disappearing into the next street.

Picking up my treasured textbook from the ground, I smile to myself. If there's one thing scarier than Maths, it's Maths puns.

***

Written in Feb 2021