home, glenn rhee[1]

ch.30

alone

      i stood there silent, honestly feeling the most heart broken i ever was. words usually didn't hurt me, but this time. it stung.

     "daryl, just stop" beth pleaded, reaching out to grab his arm, only for him to turn away, "no"

    my sister, moved to where i was, rubbing my shoulder as she tried to comfort me. though my eyes never left daryls figure.

   "the governor rolled right up to our gates. maybe because i gave up. that's on me."

      even after the things he said, my heart softened for him, hearing the cracks of sadness in his voice as he held back the tears.

     "and hershel. maybe- maybe i could have done something." daryl whimpered, causing beth to step to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

      she held him while he cried, me and davina stood back, watching the two until he was done.

      me and daryl gave each other a sorry look before moving to the porch, davina stepped inside for a moment, soon returning with the crate of moonshine.

   "i get why my dad stopped drinking" beth mumbled, breaking the silence as she sat beside me, daryl and davina across from us.

    "you feel sick?" i questioned, turning so i could look at her.

    "nope" she started, placing down her glass, "i wish i could feel like this all the time. that's bad"

    "hmm, you're lucky you're a happy drunk" daryl muttered, carving stuff in the wood post with his knife.

     "yeah, she's lucky. melanie is an angry drunk while i'm a sad drunk." davina smiled, glancing around at everyone.

     "i'm a dick when i'm drunk." daryl started, pausing to think about something, "you want to know what i was before all this?"

     beth nodded a bit leaning her head on my shoulder, "i was just drifting around with merle... doing whatever she said we were gonna be doing that day. i was nobody. nothing."

      "you miss him don't you? merle." i questioned, fiddling with my ring, "i miss glenn. i miss his smile and how he'd always make sure i was safe."

     beth smiled from beside me, raising her head off my shoulder, "i miss maggie. i miss her bossing me around and my dad."

    she paused, fiddling with her fingers just like i do, "i hoped he'd just live the rest of his life in peace, you know?"

     i nodded, glancing to where davina was, most likely beating herself up about being with those people.

    "i thought you and glenn would have a baby. and he'd get to be somewhat of a grandpa. we'd have birthdays and holiday. and he'd get really old and it's happen but it'd be quiet. itd be okay."

     i turned to look back at her, seeing her let out a small chuckle, forcing back the tears, "that's how unbelievably stupid i am"

     i moved my hand, grabbing hers,  giving it a little squeeze as i looked sadly at her.

    "that's how it's supposed to be." daryl muttered, glancing between the two of us.

    beth sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "i wish i could just...change"

     "you did" me and daryl mumbled in unison, looking at the small, blonde haired girl.

    she shook her head, "not enough. not like you guys. it's like you were made for how things are now."