The Lev n Fax Saga

Part Two

Lev's knees threatened to buckle beneath him. Fax was gone, long gone, and the air around him was thick with smoke, enough to choke him, flames twisting and leaping around him, not a single shadow to wrap around himself, and yet he couldn't bring himself to move. All the fires of hell couldn't have convinced him to take even a single step.

He deserved it, to be burnt to a crisp, he really did. There was no reason for his coward's heart to keep beating. In the back of his mind, he knew he was being melodramatic, but really, wasn't it poetic to be consumed by the fire Fax had started?

A hand fisted in his shirt, and he was dragged out of the building by the scruff of his neck. He wheezed and choked as he was dropped on the ground. Gentle hands rubbed between his singed wings, and he curled up, coughing too hard to demand why they had pulled him from the blaze. He knew his rescuer was an angel like him because he could feel the icy healing spearing through him. It was the familiar murmurings of his old mentor that sent shame rippling through him. Of course it would be him that had hauled Lev out of the fire. Another person he'd disappointed. The moment he had the strength he knocked his mentor off him. He didn't want help. Didn't deserve it.

Through his wheezing he could hear others, shouted orders back and forth and demanding questions about other survivors. But there weren't any. Fax had made sure of that. He'd never seen Fax like that. He had always known the demon had a sort of quiet strength, but Fax was a dreamer, not a killer. And yet two angels were dead and Lev had no idea what to tell his superiors.

The thing was, none of this had been approved. He simply hadn't known how to stop it all, how to stop the two angels who had caught him on his way to see Fax. His fault, for being such a bad liar, his fault for not doing more to protect Fax. Fax had always been a gentle soul, something that had fascinated Lev, who had been raised to think all demons were savage brutes who attacked first and in number. That hadn't fit Fax at all. Fax, who wandered around the kitchen in sweatpants humming along with the radio, who happily planted himself in the garden and poked around in the dirt as if he knew what he was doing, who somehow attracted cats left and right and fed them all. Fax had never once lifted a hand to harm him; Fax had been incredibly gentle, and when he kissed Lev that first time, the shyness in the gesture had startled Lev more than the kiss itself. Fax had been so prepared for Lev to shove him away, and in the end, wasn't that what Lev had done?

All at once Lev found himself sobbing, which really didn't help the whole breathing thing. He could hear a sigh, and then he heard his mentor murmur, "He's young. Give him space." But Lev didn't want to be babied. He wanted... he wanted Fax, but that wasn't an option now was it? No, not after how horribly he'd screwed this up. He shoved himself up, gasping and hating the mess he was. This was pitiful, it was stupid, and all he could think of was Fax promising that crying was fine, that it didn't make him weak, but...

The angels let him stagger further from the burning building, too busy trying to see if any others had survived to watch him go. Only, he didn't stop when the air cleared. He kept going, sucking in fresh air and swiping at his face. He was going to regret this, just walking away with no explanation, but no one stopped him, and he didn't want to think about anything right now. It occurred to him, as he decided maybe he just wouldn't stop walking, ever, that he was being melodramatic again. Well, he thought defensively, he had every right to be dramatic. He'd just been through a shitty, shitty evening, and he had no idea how else he was supposed to react.

He walked and walked and walked, shoulders tensed. He ought to go back. He needed to spin some sort of story, but instead he walked, occasionally choking on a random sob, constantly rubbing his face. Pitiful, pitiful, how he was falling apart, but nothing was happening the way he needed it to. The way he'd wanted it to. He'd been happy, not days ago. Happy, and curled up with Fax. Fax's heartbeat beneath his ear had been the most comforting, grounding thing he'd ever heard. He hadn't ever wanted to leave.