The bench that started everything

I remember the time you said you would love me forever. I remember thinking that it was just words to ease my heartache, that the words coming out of your mouth had no truth behind them. You were leaving me, how could you love me forever if you weren't by my side. But now that you are no longer here I have had some time to think about your words and our time together. I think I am finally ready to accept that you are gone, and tell your story so you can live on even after I have left to meet you.

Tuesday, January 1st, 1975, 01:03 AM. The first time I laid my eyes on you, sitting on an old bench in the forest, looking up at the fireworks exploding in all sorts of patterns and colors. You intrigued me, I had never seen someone watch fireworks the way you did, so I decided to walk closer. I think you heard me, but you never turned to see who I was, you just sat there, nose pointed to the sky. For some reason, you moved more to the right side of the bench as if giving me permission to sit down. I remember standing still for a while before sitting down. Neither of us said anything, but I felt far from awkward as we sat there together looking at the fireworks. I remember looking over at you a couple of times, but you never looked back at me. When I looked at you I remember thinking you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I began taking in every detail of your face. That is when I noticed how broken your eyes looked as you gazed up at the fireworks. You looked tired, and I had a feeling your tiredness was not caused by a lack of sleep. I looked back up at the fireworks, my mind empty except for your eyes. The broken look in your eyes drifted through my mind as I watched the fireworks. As time passed I felt my eyelids getting heavy, and eventually, I fell asleep. As I slowly felt myself falling asleep, I remember I thought of you as a beautiful stranger, but little did I know that you would turn out to be the other half of my heart.

A couple of hours later I woke up, your spot on the bench cold and empty. I noticed a yellow fabric covering me. It was your jacket. As I walked home the only thing I could think about was that the beautiful stranger I watched the fireworks with lent me their jacket so I wouldn't freeze. But then I thought of a problem, how would I be able to give the jacket back to you. That's how my waiting for you began. Every night between 23:00 PM to 02:00 AM I would wait for you to show up at the bench. Many weeks passed where you never showed up. It was now January 27th and I began to lose hope. The clock was 01:47 AM and I was just about to give up and go home. I stood up and turned around to begin my walk home, and there you were, my beautiful stranger. You walked up to me, I remember feeling my heart beat with every step you took. We were face to face for the first time, I said thank you and gave you the jacket, you took it and sat down on the bench. My eyes followed your every move, you patted the bench beside yourself. I realized then that you were not a woman of many words. I took your offer and sat down beside you once again on the bench, again there was not a single awkward moment, only silence. Until you broke the silence, saying one word; Astra. Your name was Astra. Astra, Astra, Astra, such a beautiful name. I looked at you, only then realizing you were also looking at me. I smiled and said only one word back; Lana. We sat there on our bench in the middle of the night. This time there were no fireworks but instead, there were stars. We sat there in silence for hours, just looking at the stars together. Also this time I looked at your eyes. You had the same broken eyes from before, and I began wondering about what made them like that. Lost in thought I didn't notice that you quietly left, but this time there was a note, with only one word written; tomorrow?

Every night we met up at the bench. In the beginning, we only sat there, but as time went on we began talking little by little. We grew closer and closer, and the closer we got I remember thinking I wanted to be more than your friend. I wanted you Astra, by my side, forever.

Half a year had almost gone by since we met. We were still sitting on the old bench in the forest where we first met. With your eyes pointed up at the sky you raised your hand as if you could touch the stars and said; Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we lived up there and not down here? I looked at you but didn't say anything. I knew you weren't expecting a reply. Instead, you continued your sentence; I feel like if I lived with the stars I would finally be at peace with myself. I knew you were tired and didn't feel like going any further. I knew you weren't meant to stay by my side forever. I knew I would lose you someday. I feel like I don't live for myself anymore Lana. I remember you said that right before you fell asleep. I don't know if you meant to say it or not but I remember what I said to you; You can't live your life for other people Astra. You've got to do what is best for you, even if it hurts the people you love. Even if it hurts me. My voice was shaky but I kept talking; If you want to go, I want you to know it's ok. I know it's hard for you to keep going like this. I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes and looked over to Astra. She looked asleep, but I know she heard me by the tear sliding down her cheek. I looked up at the stars again, everything was quiet until I heard a quiet thank you. I looked back to see you looking at me with your broken eyes full of tears. I embraced you in a warm hug, and I never wanted to let go of you. Because I knew this would be some of our last moments together. We sat there in silence in each other's arms until you decided to break the silence; can you turn my ashes into fireworks and light them here? I want to be sure that I reach the stars, and this is where I met you so I want to be with the stars that light up the night over this forest. The only thing I could do was nod my head. I remember holding you the tightest I have ever held you at that moment. I regret not holding her longer than I did. I regret letting go.

I was with you in your last moments. Holding your hand. Tears dropping down on our intertwined hands. I love you, I love you, I love you. I said that over and over again so she wouldn't ever forget. When I felt your grip getting looser I heard you say; I will always love you. I will love you for all eternity Lana. Whenever you feel alone, just go to the place only we know, our place, our bench, our home. It is my time to wait for you now. Thank you for everything, thank you for letting me go home to where I belong. Those were the last words you ever said to me, and as I promised you became the most beautiful firework ever made. I hope every time I visit our bench and stare up at the sky, you also stare down back at me.

Many years have gone by, it's 2056 now. And my time has finally come to meet you again. Are you waiting for me Astra? I hope you are. I asked the doctors to let my final moments be at our bench. The bench that started everything. I know you said you would love me forever, but tonight the stars are especially bright and I may have doubted your words before, but now I know you were speaking the truth my Astra. Finally, I am home.