Mirrored Cuts

Chapter 13

Flint and I went to Schenley Park to blow off some steam. We had to get out of the dorms before we went crazy. The whole walk there, Flint told ghost stories about clowns escaping from asylums and babysitters left alone. He sprinkled in facts about the number of recent bear sightings. I pretended that I was calm, trying to form a wall of logic to prevent the terror from seeping in.

We lay down on our backs in the dewy grass, basking in the cool darkness that blanketed everything we could see.

"I feel like it is fate that I met you right now," Flint said.

"Me too," I said, trying on the words to see if they fit.

"You're a closed book, Andi." He rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "What are you hiding?"

I thought about my mother's call, the one that should have saved us. I thought about my brother being loaded into an ambulance with my father standing by. I saw myself in the reflective window, watching, not being able to do anything. I looked up at him and prayed he couldn't see through me. There was no way for him to understand, but he wanted an answer anyway.

I pulled his lion's mane of hair towards me, drawing his face to mine. He paused and I wondered if he needed the answer to his question more than he needed me. But the moment passed and our lips met. We kissed, rolling up and down the small dunes that formed below the grass, each searching for something to hold on to. The darkness sent chills through me but when he pulled me close by the small of my back, the strength of my emotions lit a candle in my stomach. No answer could have been its equal.

* * *

My first shift was on that Wednesday. They had asked us to sign up for one 24-hour shift every two weeks ahead of time. They said if we wanted to take more duty, we would be able to sign up at 6 pm (they called it 1800), the day of, for a shift at 9 pm (or 2100). They called it sniping.

I called the office to ask to be let in. Only full-fledged members had key cards that gave them access to the office whenever they wanted. I had to be allowed in. The sarcastic girl, Sandy, from the weekend opened the door.

I moved into the office, feeling out of place for the first time. Everyone had something to do, and I was just standing there, useless. I followed someone into a small side room and watched them as they shoved medical equipment into a blue bag, branded with a big blue asterisk known as the star of life.

Sandy came up behind me. "First shift, right? Go get a jump kit and a checklist. I'll walk you through it."

As if it was that easy. I sidled into the storage room and selected one of the blue bags. Upon opening it, I discovered that it was nearly empty. I shouldered it and searched through the clutter to find a sheet that looked like a checklist. The problem was that all the sheets of paper looked like checklists and none of them seemed relevant to the bag I had on my shoulder. I finally found a sheet entitled "Jump Kit Checklist" and stood by the sarcastic girl who had taken charge of my initial shift.

"Fill the jump kit up with the equipment in the closet, counting everything out. You don't want to show up on scene without your equipment. That's embarrassing."

I retreated to the closet, regretting my choice of the empty bag. The other guy hadn't had to fill up his jump kit.

I placed gauze pads and trauma sheers and oral glucose in their correct amounts in different pockets. I evaluated each piece of equipment before it made it in, willing it to help me through this night without making a fool of myself in front of these people. When I was done, I presented it to the girl and let her inspect it.

"Good," she said. "Do you have a watch? A belt? Boots?"

I showed her each item as she asked.

"A knife?" someone said from the other room.