Are We All We Are?

Chapter 5

A/n: Another note I forgot to include in the previous chapter: After about six months of being in Melbourne, Peggy met Steve and they started dating. After the first year, Peggy moved out of the beach house with Dottie and in with Steve. She lived with him for two years, then they broke up and she moved back to the beach house.

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Dottie had never been prone to catching diseases, like the cold, or flu, due to her iron will, or that's at least what she liked to claim, which was probably why she was in so much pain. She wasn't used to being ill.

Dottie stayed in bed, she felt exhausted. More drained than she had in a long time. She snuggled deeper into the duvet, thankful that Peggy was there. Thankful that Peggy cared.

Things between them had gotten off to a rocky start. For so many years they had been forced together, forced to spend time together on missions despite never really getting along. They were complete opposites and never really got to know each other. Merely tolerated each other, at least were Peggy was concerned. But now, since they had been living together, since they had started to get to know one another, really know the other, they had not just learnt to get along. They had come to really, deeply care about the other person. Even love each other.

Neither had expected it.

Dottie had never been allowed to see much past the walls that Peggy had erected around her heart. Now she could.

Peggy had probably always been that way. At least she had as long as Dottie had known her. She'd always kept her heart closely guarded, never let anyone really in, never allowed herself to feel too deeply, or to get too close to people. Her friendships weren't as real as she tried to make out. They were built on very shaky foundations. Their conversations never progressing much past surface level. Sure, she had enjoyed some of the time she'd spent with them, and the holidays they'd taken together had always been fun. But these were not friends she could sit and cry with, not friends with whom she could share secrets. Not friends who she could talk to about when she moved back in with Dottie after her breakup with her fiancé, Steve. No, these were friends who there for the good times only, which was so beautifully proven when Gaymaggeddon hit.

All of this meant that Dottie didn't take it for granted that Peggy had let her in.

Sure, it wasn't always easy. Peggy was still hesitant to fully open up, especially where the stronger emotions were concerned. But she was getting better. Far better than she was when Dottie first met her roughly five years ago. Far better than she was the entire two years she'd been with Steve. Far better than when they had first started living together. Was that really only five years ago? It felt like another lifetime. So much had happened.

Before, whenever they would have to see each other Dottie had never quite understood Peggy. Peggy was never someone she hated, but certainly someone she found hard to understand and disliked at first. That didn't stop her from being fascinated though, from trying to peel back the layers and discover the real Peggy Carter. She didn't really start to succeed though until they moved in together. There were moments, brief, fleeting moments over the years were she thought she was getting somewhere, but they never lasted long. One thing that always stayed with Dottie was the feeling that, deep down, Peggy was lonely. She just hoped that Peggy no longer felt that way.

She hoped Peggy felt as safe with her as she did with Peggy.

And she really did feel safe with Peggy.

Dottie knew that over the past five years Peggy had become more than just her roommate. It was something she hadn't expected, by any stretch of the imagination, it was a one hundred percent unpredictable occurrence, and she prided herself on her ability to predict the unpredictable. Then again, she'd not anticipated Gaymaggeddon. Maybe she was losing her powers. Nah, that couldn't be it. It must be a misalignment of the stars, as soon as they shift back she would be in top form.

But on a serious note, and Dottie could be remarkably serious when she wanted to be, she'd come to rely on Peggy being there. Come to consider Peggy her best friend, closest friend — and not just in proximity. Their bedrooms were sixteen steps apart. She'd counted once. Well, actually five times, to get an accurate medium, much to Peggy's annoyance.

Dottie knew, without any doubt, that Peggy was rarely as annoyed as she made out to be though.

Dottie also knew that without Peggy, she wouldn't have made it through Gaymaggeddon. Her entire world fell apart. Sure, there were signs that things weren't entirely perfect, but she hadn't ever dwelled on them. Just accepted Steve and the complications that came with Peggy's engagement, because she loved her. She didn't know any different. Peggy was the only person she could imagine sharing her life with. No one else. Then, suddenly, everything fell apart. Steve left, to be with Natasha. And Dottie's world ended, seeing Peggy so heartbroken. Nothing was the same. To say she was heartbroken would be an understatement. She'd never felt such pain.

Living with Peggy, it wasn't easy to begin with, she and Dottie were complete opposites in so many ways, yet that didn't matter. As time passed they grew used to living together and really appreciated the other. They just fitted together, their quirks complemented each other and somehow they worked. Over time they became friends as well as roommates.

Now though, Dottie wasn't entirely sure she could quite label what they were. She was pretty sure they'd crossed over the boundaries of friendship. After all most friends don't share beds as often as the two of them. But she tried not to think about that too much.

But to begin with, when they first moved into the beach house together, she was cautious. Not because she hated Peggy, she didn't even dislike her as much as people thought. But she knew that Peggy didn't like her and the last thing she wanted was to fight with Peggy. Not when she was feeling so heartbroken. As it turned out having Peggy there was a good thing not just because she served as a good distraction from the pain, but also because she was far more understanding than Dottie had ever given her credit for being. Far more understanding than she led people to believe. Far more understanding than Peggy thought she was.

In fact, Peggy could be exceptionally hard on herself, which Dottie hated. Peggy was a phenomenal woman and she wished Peggy could see that. She wished Peggy knew how important she was to Dottie. She'd come to rely on her being there.

Dottie had always been curious about Peggy, ever since they met, roughly seven years ago now, and put up with the not so guarded barbs and everything else Peggy threw her way mainly because she wanted to understand the other woman. And understand her relationship, which had always baffled Dottie. But as Ana had once said, there were layers of walls where Peggy was concerned and finding your way past them was hard to do. And something that Dottie honestly believed Steve had never achieved.

Peggy probably hadn't let him.

As the months had passed, Dottie had noticed that Peggy and Steve never seemed to be as happy as they made out. Never seemed to really love each other, in fact, it was debatable as to whether they even liked each other. Natasha never said much when Dottie would mention that to her, and she understood why now!

But back then, Dottie found herself feeling sorry for Peggy. So she'd stepped up. Realizing that Peggy needed someone, even if the woman herself wasn't willing to admit that. She accepted that Peggy would never appreciate her efforts, but Dottie just had to do something, she couldn't just leave Peggy alone. Not when every gut instinct she had was telling her that Peggy was so unhappy.

Things were different now though. They were living together. By the beach. Happier than either of them had been in a while. And they were friends. Maybe even a little bit more than friends. Though neither of them was willing to label it that, or even acknowledge it. Not even to themselves.