Death Can Wait (Levi x Reader)

Ch.8: Homecoming

For a moment it seemed like time had stopped until the carriage moved uncontrollably. It was usual to find rocks and bumps on the road but this time the carriage made such a commotion that it made all the passengers inside hit their heads with the top part of the wheeled vehicle.

Rain poured down from the skies as if the gods were crying and it only made the passengers sigh in disappointment.

"Y/n, everything alright?"

Nicholas's voice interrupted your reading and you felt a little annoyed because only right now you found some time to read the book Erwin recommend to you.

"Yes, why are you asking?" you kept looking at the book with the hope that Nicholas would stop asking questions. It's not like it bothered you much but you preferred not to be interrupted while reading.

"Well, usually, you don't read after sex."

"Oh, yeah."

You look over to the side and found Nicholas curled up in the sheets of the bed. His red hair a mess and his face a bit sweaty. You even noticed some hickeys on his neck and wondered if he left any on you.

Usually, you two would just shower together and then sleep together afterward but tonight you decided to change the routine a little.

It's been a couple of weeks since Erwin recommends you to read 'One Last Time' the book had been in your drawer for long enough now and you thought that right now it was the time to read it.

"Well, I am going to take a shower and then I'll cook something for you," Nicholas smiled as he got close to you and kissed your cheek. The act surprised you because although Nicholas was one to show a lot of affection, it wasn't like this.

Maybe being friends with benefits wasn't a good idea after all.

"Alright, thank you."

You smile back as Nicholas stood up from the bed and with a soft look on his face, he went to your bathroom.

Many things have happened and although you hated to admit it, your mind was occupied with thoughts of Levi. It was very clear to you that Levi did not reciprocate any type of feelings for you. And you were trying to get rid of the overwhelming feeling on your chest by sleeping with Nicholas.

Somehow, you felt like Nicholas even knew about this and he didn't mind at all. Nonetheless, maybe it was time to talk and clear things out again.

You didn't want to worry about that right, actually, the only thing you wanted to do was to read and be indulged in the story.

And you continued.

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Levi

I have come to realize that my life is nothing but a failure.

Not everyone is special and some people are ok with that but I am not.

I want to be special, I want to be loved and appreciated. Is it wrong for me to want such things? Or should I just give up and accept the fact that my life will never be meaningful?

I am selfish.

Because I want everything and I can't have it. I want people to look at my work and compliment me. To tell me that I did a good job and that I am important.

But no matter how much I try it doesn't happen.

I am jealous.

Of those who do the bare minimum and they get compliments all the time. Of those who only have to smile to look beautiful and those who don't have to do much to be loved by all.