Dangerous Affection

Chapter Twenty

Emma

I sit there for a long time, in the kitchen where we used to gather and talk about our day, until I’m rattled out of my uneasy trance by a key in the front door.

‘Only us,’ Mum’s voice sings out as I hear Maisie barrel down the hallway. The kitchen door flies open and bangs against the wall.

‘Hi, Mum, where’s Dad?’

‘He’s had to pop out,’ I say, standing up. ‘Did you have a good time at Gran’s?’

‘Of course she did. We always have a great time, don’t we, poppet?’ Mum appears in the doorway, weighed down by Maisie’s school coat and bag.

‘Mum, you shouldn’t cart that stuff around for her; she’s perfectly capable of carrying her school things inside.’

Mum had an operation for a slipped disc last year and it still gives her problems at times.

I rush forward to relieve her of the burden as Maisie flops down on the sofa and turns on the television.

‘Homework first, missy,’ I say. ‘Television off until then.’

‘I did my homework at Gran’s,’ Maisie says, grinning and twisting her head back on the sofa to look pleadingly at Mum.

‘Good try.’ I take the remote control and turn the TV off again.

‘When’s Dad going to be back?’ Maisie scowls and stomps over to the fridge, taking out a carton of orange juice. ‘He said he’d watch The Simpsons with me later.’

‘You’ll have to sort that out with him when he comes home,’ I say lightly, putting her school bag on the floor.

Mum catches my eye but I pretend not to notice.

‘I’m going upstairs then, to do my stinking science worksheet,’ Maisie sighs, slouching out of the kitchen.

‘Cuppa?’ I ask Mum as I whisk by her towards the kettle.

‘Yes. I think a cuppa and a chat would be useful,’ she says pointedly.

When we sit down with our drinks, she clears her throat.

‘Tell me to mind my own business if you want to. I won’t be offended,’ she says, although we both know that’s not true. ‘I can’t help noticing that you and Shaun don’t seem to be in the best place at the moment.’

‘We’re fine,’ I say, wondering when I’m going to tell her.

I stare out at the hedge at the bottom of the garden. The bony branches are just visible through its shimmering copper leaves. In the winter, we can see through to next door’s garden, but once the spring months arrive, with the new growth, our garden becomes much more private.

‘I don’t want to pry, Emmeline, I just want us to be open about it. Maisie tells me Shaun’s hardly been around in the evenings and that you’ve seemed a bit quiet and sad.’

I’m astonished. I honestly didn’t know Maisie had taken any of it in. When she’s not watching television, she’s lounging around with earbuds in, listening to her music or swiping through her Instagram account on my iPad. Giving the impression that to all intents and purposes she’s not aware of much of the adult stuff going on around her.

Mum registers my surprise. ‘Oh yes, she’s noticed that things aren’t as they should be at home.’

‘I told you about our new arrangement, living together but not together?’

Mum purses her lips and gives me a curt nod.

I didn’t go into all the gory details of our decision to call time on our marriage, just relayed the bare bones of it. As I’d expected, Mum was utterly baffled.

‘Splitting up but staying together?’ She looked devastated, even though she’d known for some time that we’d had relationship problems. ‘Who ever heard of such a thing?’

‘People often look for other solutions now, Mum,’ I explained gently. ‘We’ve tailored the new arrangement to our own needs, all three of us. And we think it can work. It isworking.’

She didn’t make much comment after that. Mum’s of the old school; believes in sticking it out until the kids are older, no matter how miserable life becomes.

Failing that, you cut ties and separate, keeping it nice and clean and simple.

‘It worked well for a while,’ I tell her now, picking at a thread on my trousers. ‘Until two or three weeks ago, in fact.’

‘Well, I’m surprised it worked at all,’ Mum sighs, taking a sip of her tea. ‘It all sounds terribly messy to me.’

I pause to take a breath. There’s no sense in getting on the wrong side of Mum; I need her more now than ever. ‘Every Sunday night we’d agree a rota so someone was home for Maisie each day, but so we both had our own time. So it was fair.’

Mum rolls her eyes.

I know she still considers the primary caregiver should be the mother. She could barely contain her disapproval when, eighteen months ago, I explained I would be studying to become a qualified paralegal in order to facilitate my climb up the legal career ladder.

Still, there’s no easy way to do this. I just need to come out with it.

‘Shaun’s been seeing someone else,’ I say simply. ‘My boss, in fact.’

Mum’s mouth drops open.

‘And just before you got here, he told me he’s moving in with her.’

‘But… how on earth has it come to this?’ Her face darkens. ‘This stupid arrangement you dreamed up, that’s what it is!’

‘Mum, please. I really can’t go through—’

‘You’re your own worst enemy, Emmeline, always have been. You’d better look sharp and stop this nonsense before it gets out of hand. You’re going to find yourself alone with a child… You’ll be a single mother!’

Her expression registers sheer horror at the mere thought of it. It would be funny if everything didn’t feel so fucking hopeless.

‘Thanks for having Maisie,’ I say, standing up and gathering up our cups. ‘I’d best get on now, I’ve got some work to catch up on.’

Mum stands too and picks up her handbag. ‘Work, work, work. That’s all you ever talk about, and therein lies the problem, if you ask me.’

She walks to the hallway and calls goodbye to Maisie upstairs. At the door, she turns back.

‘You know, I really do hope it’s not too late to work things out between the two of you,’ she says flatly. ‘I’d hate to see you having to fend for yourself and your daughter alone without her father being present.’

‘Plenty of women do,’ I retort.

But my words are lost in the opening and closing of the door as Mum leaves the house.