Dangerous Affection

Chapter Eight

'Emma!’ Shaun dodges the pillow I launch at him. ‘For goodness’ sake, calm down!’

‘You sly, underhanded…’ I reach for a paperback and brandish it above my head, but my hand is shaking too much to throw it.

‘Look, I didn’t see the harm, OK?’ He holds his hands up in the air to ward me off. ‘The Post sent me to photograph some legal lunch and we just clicked. I’d seen her before at the dance school and… Well, at first it was just a chat and a coffee, and then…’

‘And then what?’

‘And then things moved really fast. Both of us were shocked. I felt out of control.’

I let out a bitter laugh. ‘But not out of control enough that you’d just slow down and think about the consequences of you shagging my boss, is that right?’

‘Emma! It wasn’t like that. I’m truly sorry. I… I can’t really explain it.’

I feel… violated. A strong word, perhaps inappropriate, but that is honestly the feeling that floods through me before other emotions swiftly follow.

‘You do know Joanne’s daughter is the exact same age as Maisie? What are the other dance mums going to say?’

‘I don’t care about them.’ He is suddenly sure of himself, a quality he had when I met him but that’s been missing for a long time. ‘Surely it’s a good thing that Maisie and Piper already know each other? There’s more chance of them getting along.’

‘Piper Dent is a spoiled little brat, and for your information, Maisie can’t stand her.’ I spit out the words like bitter pips. I don’t care that I sound churlish, and that adults aren’t supposed to speak that way about kids. It’s true.

Shaun shakes his head slowly, as if there’s no hope for me.

I take a breath and speak very slowly.

‘Your selfishness could cost me my career, you do realise that? What woman wants the ex-wife of her new boyfriend hanging around the office? She’ll fire me, employment law or not. They can always find a reason if they want to.’

‘No! She thinks a lot of you, thinks you’re very capable.’

‘You’ve discussed me?’ I snarl. ‘Now that really is pillow talk at its worst.’

‘It wasn’t like that, Em. She said you’ve already told her we’re not together as such.’

‘Whatever.’ I fold my arms and stare at the blank wall, rueing the day I confided in Joanne Dent. ‘I have to get some sleep so I can try and squeeze some work in tomorrow morning. I was too busy making sodding fish fingers for tea, you see, so our daughter didn’t go hungry. Just go. Please.’

He stands up, runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. Behind the bravado he looks dishevelled, his skin already shadowed with faint stubble. But he is still lit from within by a glow that, to my fury, my vitriol cannot dim.

‘I want to be on my own,’ I say before he tries to talk further.

A few minutes later, he’s in the spare room. The door closes behind him and I hear the light switch click off on the other side of the wall.

Finally I let out the breath I’ve been holding onto like a safety blanket.

Joanne Dent. Joanne Dent!

Of all the women he could have chosen to start a relationship with, it had to be my boss. Just when my career is finally taking off after all those hours of studying, of making sacrifices and slow, steady progress. This happens.

A month ago, I remember loitering at the kitchen window, washing and drying a few glasses just so I had a reason to stand and watch as Shaun chased Maisie around the garden.

It was such a joy to witness the wild abandon of our daughter, squealing, half choking with laughter as her dad mimed clumsy ape-like moves, purposely moving slowly so that Maisie could escape each time he drew near.

Just a few weeks before that, Shaun seemed to have his head constantly in a photography book, spending hours each evening perusing online photo libraries, researching the best place to bank his own photographs to maximise the pittance he received each time one was used.

The most Maisie could hope for was for him to sit next to her, still engrossed in his own activities but pretending to watch The Simpsons with her. Maisie wasn’t a massive fan of The Simpsons, but I noticed with an aching heart that she would put it on to tempt her dad to spend a bit of time with her, as she knew it was one of his favourites.

I was never in any doubt that Shaun loved Maisie with all his heart, of course he did. But his interest in photography always seemed to shout loudest and overtook his time with her.

I understood how being consumed by work felt, but as I had always been the parent who stayed home each night with Maisie, I had to curtail my time spent studying and working.

Our new arrangement had changed all that. It had given me more time for myself, and at the same time had gifted Shaun and Maisie the time to get to know each other again. And the real joy of it was that both of them had wholeheartedly embraced the chance to do so.

That’s why in my moments of doubt, when I questioned the unconventional nature of our home life, I still had the unswerving conviction that our decision had been the best thing for all three of us.

That day, when I’d wiped the last glass and set it on the shelf behind me, I stood a moment longer, smiling as Shaun finally captured Maisie in a bear hug after deliberately wrong-footing her near the trampoline.

I watched as they laughed together, hugged, stood still to get their breath back.

As Maisie buried her head in Shaun’s chest, I saw his face change. The smile melted away and an expression of pain took its place.

Now, I would admit that the arrangement to call time on our marriage was initially my idea but Shaun had readily agreed back then. He agreed with everything I suggested.

If it was what he wanted then, how could he do this? His actions will have consequences for all of us.

That day, when I’d watched my husband and daughter for a while out of the window, I’d forced myself to turn away, swallowed down the sour taste in my mouth.

Little did I know it was a portent of far worse to come.