Alarm Clock - Ereri/Riren (Re-uploaded)

Chapter 10

Monday had come quicker than I wanted. I didn't have math with Levi today but at least I had a class with Marco in English, as well as Science with Connie and Jean so I wasn't alone the entire day. I never had classes with Armin though. He's in all the advanced courses. That may be a good thing considering how easily I could get distracted by his silky blonde hair, and the way he props himself up on his chair. The way he sharpens his pencil and organizes his pencil cases. The way he always writes in cursive when taking notes. Everything about the way he works is so fascinating to me. I remember these details from the times I was in his middle school class. Though his appearance may have switched up, he was always going to be Armin, in all his brilliance.

I was still outside the school, and I had about 15 minutes till my first class started. I decided I'd have a quick cigarette before going into class. I wasn't a heavy smoker but it was a habit I picked up a while ago. Can't say I'm proud, but I also can't really let go of the habit that easily.

I leaned against the back wall of the building, inhaling and exhaling the toxins peacefully, taking in my surroundings. It wasn't much to look at being quite honest. October was my favourite season with all the leaves falling but right now, I can't seem to find anything remotely beautiful about the tarmac and the field behind the school building. Speaking of October, Halloween would be soon which means that Petra's gonna throw one of her big parties again. I will not be making that mistake again. Even if I didn't get drunk this time, it would still be weird to be put in that environment again. None of my friends would be going so there really wouldn't be any point. They were going to Ymir's party. Ah yes, the epic party rivalry between Ymir and Petra. Although I'll admit, Petra had a bigger house and more popular people would be there, Ymir's were always the most fun. She always had games and cool drinks both alcoholic and non-alcohol (that was always a bonus for me). I felt as though I didn't need to be completely shit-faced to have a good time. Actually, it wasn't so much that as much as it was that I was afraid to drink. I'm able to get along with Ymir pretty well and we actually had a lot of fun together back in middle school. It wouldn't hurt to catch up with her and maybe just let loose for once. Maybe it was finally time to start going to parties again. I don't know what it was but the air about this year felt different, perhaps change was necessary.

So that's settled. This year, I'm going to a party. I haven't been to one since the whole incident and I have to admit that I kind of missed it. All I had to do was not get drunk. 'This will be fun' I thought to myself optimistically as I brought the cigarette to my lips for another puff.

The weather today was strange. Neither warm nor cold. But the sky was grey and it looked like it was going to rain soon. As I looked around, I noticed a short, raven haired boy with both backpack straps around each of his shoulders, approaching from the field. He must be one of the kids that lives in the East so he uses the other parking lot and walks a bit from there. The East huh? Those houses are quite suburban for New York. They're huge too. Levi must be pretty wealthy. He was dressed in his usual kind of look. He wore a plain black sweater that was snug on him with some dark pants. As he approached the building, it became more evident that he noticed me because he was headed straight for me. I didn't know whether to hide my cigarette or not. A lot of people hate smoking and find it repulsive which is why I usually go to the back and wait till everyone's inside to do it. I can't do it near my friend group because Mikasa would absolutely tell my parents, but not before giving me the beating of my life. I felt like Levi could go either way when it came to his opinions on it. On one hand, he kind of had this "I don't give a fuck" punk rock vibe that made it seem like he wouldn't mind something as small as a cigarette. On the other, he was really particular about a lot of things and had borderline OCD when it came to things like what you're putting inside your body. He was also pretty knowledgeable and I'm sure he knew 5 times as many reasons these things were a health hazard. I was torn. Hide it, or keep it? Hide it or keep it? I began fidgeting a bit as a I contemplated, but it didn't matter because I didn't have time to make a decision in the end. He was standing right in front of me. He wasn't glaring, so I doubted he held any resentment to the act he caught me in the midst of. He didn't seem very affected or he wasn't coughing like people usually do when I smoke around them. So I decided it would be fine at the end of the day.

"You want a puff?" I offered hoping this would be the right move.

"Tch!" uh oh. Wrong move? "Those things are so bad for you." he scowled. I know I made the wrong choice but maybe I could still fix this. My mind was running a million miles an hour, searching for an excuse when it hit me.

"Oh, I don't usually smoke actually I-"

"Yes you do." he answered unbothered.

"No I swear this is my first time and I just-" I rambled in a desperate attempt to change his point of view of me back to the way it used to be. But he cut me off again.

"No it's not. You'd be coughing if it was actually your first time." he said still looking right up at me. My cheeks turned slightly red. It was set in stone now. He saw me this way and probably thought I was gross. I couldn't change that. We stood there in an awkward silence before he finally continued speaking. "Why do you do that?"

"Smoking? Well I dunno I sort of just-"

"No no no. Not smoking. What you just tried to do." I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"What?"

"That thing. You're always changing yourself. You're never one consistent person. It's like there's a bunch of dudes that happen to look the same named Eren Jaeger walking around the school." he said bluntly. Huh? "Whenever you feel anyone is displeased with you, you quickly change your story, or the way you act or you just sit there, analyzing them, figuring out how to make them like you." he continued. Had he been reading me this entire time? I hadn't been conscious of this supposed behaviour I was displaying. Well I guess I had been but I never really thought of it exactly like that. Sure, I wanted people to like me, but I always saw my behaviour as an adjustment to people's personalities. A way to make my company more bearable and a way I could get along with more easier. But the way he described it made it seem like I was manipulative and in a constant search for validation. Was it that see through? Could people tell that easily? I just stood there, in silence, unable to speak. Unable to move. "Don't get me wrong, you're pretty good at making it subtle. It took me a while to pick up on it." he said as he put his hands in his pockets and chuckled a bit. That was a relief. I finally found the courage to say something again. I wouldn't try to figure out what he wanted me to say. At that moment, I knew I had to be completely transparent with him from now on. It seemed like I wouldn't be able to lie to him.

"I started last year, after the whole...thing happened." I said. He looked intrigued now. "I was going through a lot of shit and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I turned to substance." I finished, putting the cigarette back into my mouth, inhaling slowly, then exhaling. By now I had a bit of a half smile on my face.

"Tch!" He then chuckled a bit, took the cigarette out of my mouth with his index and his middle finger, and delicately put it between his pinkish lips, looking at me with a light smirk. He inhaled deeply, but didn't cough. He had definitely done this before. He then exhaled, slightly away from my face. My eyes widened as an initial reaction. I was surprised to see someone who was so disgusted by it a few moments ago do it with such ease. "I don't give a fuck if you smoke Jaeger. It's your body. You do what you want." I just stood there in silence, as he placed the cigarette back in my gaping mouth, and closed my jaw back shut with his delicate hand. It was rather soft and it made my cheeks turn slightly pink. "I do, however, care if you lie, because it's pretty painfully obvious to me. Your ears turn red every time you do." I blushed a bit in embarrassment. "I have to say though...I like you a lot more when you're not pretending."

It was then I felt the feeling of butterflies start to swarm violently in my stomach. This wasn't new. I know me and Levi had just started getting to know each other, but I knew this feeling. The feeling of sweat subtly dripping down my forehead as my face begins to heat up and I try to control the reddening of my cheeks. The feeling of being able to be vulnerable and open with a person in a given moment. The feeling of adrenaline pulsating throughout your body. And now, I was just noticing how Levi's eyes had speckles of blue in them, that looked like the colours of Armin's.