Alarm Clock - Ereri/Riren (Re-uploaded)

Chapter 27

"Armin. Please call me back, I'm sorry. I just...I want to talk." I said into the phone answering his voicemail for the 10th time. I landed in the hospital again after my blackout. I made sure I wouldn't tell Levi about this. I didn't want to worry him and it was not a big deal anyways. Apparently it wasn't too bad this time and my friends knew what to do so they managed to calm me down a bit. Still, I had the lingering feeling in the back of my head that I would just get another.

I was sitting against the wall at mine and Levi's usual spot. He wasn't here yet so I took the opportunity to call Armin and try and set things right. I was worried. He hadn't showed up to school in days. I even called his mother and she said he was busy but I knew it was because of me. I knew his sleep wasn't doing well. He had reminded me that I could never move on. I could never forgive myself. How could I be the one to have good things come my way when I was the one who made a stupid mistake. It was all my fault. I felt a tear roll down my eye and I just let go. I started sobbing violently, burying my face in my palms and shaking. I hated myself. I hated what I had done to Armin and how I had been so weak that day. My weakness is what caused this in the first place. If only I had been strong enough to not kiss back. If only I had been strong enough to not drink. If only I had been strong enough to ask for help. If only I had been strong enough to fight off my piano teacher as he pinned me to the ground and stripped me of any innocence I had left. If only I had the strength to even look at that instrument anymore. But my thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of someone's hand gently pressing my shoulder. I quickly jerked my head up, and saw him, Levi, with a concerned, and scared look on his face.

"Jaeger?" he asked, probably confused. The sight of him was equally heartbreaking as Armin's harsh words ringing in my head. It was a reminder of how undeserving I was of him. I then began to sob even more, dropping my head back into my forearms and nearly forgetting how to breath. "Shh shh shhh." he shushed as he quickly bent down and pulled me into his arms. "What's going on Eren? You're scaring me, talk to me baby." he said in the most frantic, but soft and kind tone I had ever heard come out of his mouth. I had never heard him call me "baby" before. But it sounded nice, and I wished he would more often. It felt like it was a way to tell me he was protecting me. He was warm, and for once I was the one being held. I was the one sobbing in his chest, curled up against him.

"L-Levi." I struggled to speak as I was still crying really hard. "I-I hurt him so bad. I hurt him so bad and I can't take it back. W-what if I do it to you too? What if I hurt you too?" I continued. He was rubbing my back and holding me tight, but the way he tensed up a bit hinted to me that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He sighed and held me even tighter. His heartbeat was faster than it usually was.

"Oh Eren..." he breathed. He paused for a minute as I continued to cry in his arms. He was figuring out what to say. What if he broke up with me right then and there? Maybe he couldn't handle this side of me. "Calm down baby you're gonna suffocate if you don't breathe. I know you won't hurt me." he continued.

"H-how do you know?" I quivered. He then lightly scoffed and chuckled a bit.

"That's easy." He said lifting my chin to look at him. "Because those eyes of yours tell me you know it was a mistake. And they tell me that you're too kind to hurt anyone that way." he said with a sweet smile. The sweetest smile I had seen from him. "And you know what I think Eren?" he asked. I shook my head, still mesmerized by the shape of his lips as they spread from corner to corner. "I think that there's a lot that I don't know. There's a lot even Armin doesn't know. And for my sweet, caring, Eren to be crying this hard; for my compassionate, intelligent Eren to be suffering like this, someone must have really broken him." he finished now gently caressing my cheek. Something about hearing those words come out of his mouth ignited something in me. Was I really sweet and caring like he said I was? How could he describe me as compassionate after knowing what I had done? How could he call me intelligent when I was a German boy who didn't even know how to pronounce "Nietzsche" correctly? Was this how he saw me? The tears had stopped rolling down my cheeks and I just stared at him as he looked at me lovingly, wiping away any tears that had fallen before. "Do me a favour Eren, and forgive yourself already. Because I promise that the only way you could be hurting me, is if I saw you like this again".

We stayed outside for a good half an hour. This was a side of Levi that was so different. As much as it made me feel safe and as much as I loved it, I didn't want to have to see it again. I had a feeling he only really brought it out when he needed to. The silence was so comforting. I had continued to cry just a little bit and he told me it was ok and that I should let out whatever I needed to let out as he ran his fingers through my hair. So I just kept crying. It felt like I had been storing these tears for an eternity. It felt like any sadness I had trapped inside me was spilling out like a waterfall. And it felt so good. Levi's heartbeat was like a lullaby and the sound of his voice made my chest ache in the best way. His smile was hypnotic and the way he would lightly touch my face made it too overwhelming for me to hold it in anymore.

"Levi...I love you" I whispered into his chest. I closed my eyes and held my breath. He could either say it back or he wouldn't be ready. Or worse, he may never feel that way about me. I was prepared to accept any outcome but I preferred one over the others obviously. He then kissed me on the forehead, pulled me into an even tighter hug and I felt the most warm feeling in my chest when I heard those words come out of his mouth.

"I... I love you too Eren."