I'm suffocating

Chapter 30

I took a seat on the small black one seater as usual and Dr Jay looked up at me and smiled, the corners of his mouth looked sorta wrinkly and I briefly wondered how old he was

"Hello curly," he tapped his pen on his clipboard and I fought the urge to roll my eyes

I just nodded in acknowledgement and his stupid smile got even deeper "Ah so we're not talking today huh?"

I once again ignored him and he sighed "that's fine but in that case here," he handed me the daily check in seat and a pen "You might as well fill it out yourself,"

I tried to take as long as possible,wanting to waste as much time as I could but in the end it only took up around fifteen minutes.

When I handed it back to him his eyes scanned the sheet and he hummed putting it down

I briefly wondered if he was a soc or a greaser, he didn't look very poor but then again he didn't look very well off either. Maybe he was a middle class, I didn't mind them, not as much as soc's anyway.

He looked up at me and smiled again, golly his face must have hurt from smiling so much
"Do you have anything you'd like to talk about

I shook my head, letting my unbrushed hair fall in-front off my eyes, I really oughtta' cut it

He hummed once again and scribbled down something on his clipboard

"Have you been getting any urges lately?"

And for a second, just for a second i considered opening up but I knew that no good would come from it. No good ever came from asking for help, growing up on the streets had taught me that well.

So once again I shook my head and the rest of the meeting was filled with typical questions and my silence.

——————————————-

He parked the car outside the dingo and I looked up at him confused

"I gotta meeting with the gang kid, wiat here I won't be to long,"

I was suddenly struck with the fear of not being close to someone, I felt like he was gonna abondon me so I grabbed his arm and tugged

He looked at me confused "you wanna come?" As far as he knew meetings bored the hell out of me and I was lucky to miss one

But still I nodded and practically clung to his arm until we got inside

—/——/——/—/—/

I took a shaky breath as Tim paced

"Who the hell do the tigers think they are? I didn't deal shit with their members!none of us did!"

That feeling when I felt like I was being suffocated was leading down on my and my hands shook every time I tried to suck in a breath

"Maybe you didn't but someone else did Tim," one of the members spoke up, I didn't know who and I didn't exactly care to look

Tim paused "your saying we have a mole?"

Wades eyes suddenly landed on me and Widened

I hoped vainly that he wouldn't remember that encounter I had with the tigers but I knew that it was all gonna come out soon

He frowned deeply "Didn't you-"

I suddenly stood up, knocking my chair down and everyone went silent

Tim stepped closer to me "what's the matter kid? You wanna go outside?"

I pressed my hands down rigidly at my side and looked him straight in the eye "it was me," my voice barley came out and I wanted to bawl as soon as I saw betrayal in his dark blue eyes, the same eyes as mine, my blood and I had done this to him.

"What's he saying?"

"I think he said he did it, speak up kid,"

"Nah he wouldn't-"

Tim turned on them "Shut it!" He snarled

Turning back he looked down at me,betrayal embedded deep in his eyes, burning me

"what did you say?"

I suddenly felt light headed and I could barley register what I was doing when I stumbled backwards until i was almost at the exist "I dunno," I mumbled and I all but ran for it.

Only when I was halfway down the road I collapsed onto the pavement and started sobbing, my legs buckling under the pressure

I stiffened as I felt someone grab me "You're alright kid,"

I felt a twisted sort of satisfaction that it was Wade and not my brother. I don't think I could ever face Tim again. I had betrayed him and if you knew Tim you knew the one thing he didn't stand was a trust being broken.

He pulled me up and wrapped his arm around me "Come on we'll go to my place and you can sort yourself out, alright?"

I nodded and we stumbled all the way to his house in silence apart from my small sniffs here and there