This is How I Found You

Chapter Four

peach scone - hobo johnson

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And I love the thought of being with you

Or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone

Hey, the second one's way sadder than the first one

But I don't know

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 ! TRIGGER WARNING !

MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND HEAVY DRINKING

Grayson POV:

Death is a comical thing. A twist that can in situations, either help or hurt you.

Would I rather die or abandon someone I love?

Well that's easy.

Die.

Sometimes without reasoning our brain sends us signals to do something.

Maybe you were inside of a store and you were walking around, say a furry coat catches your eye.

Do you touch it, or leave it?

Most would touch it, maybe even try it on.

Some might look and never even pick it up.

Why is that? Why do they have a connection to an item or a person but leave it stuck on the same shelf it started on.

An escape could be a good thing.

To jump from the shelf, exploring and finding something to fix the hole where they once were.

Before they left.

Before you were stuck on the shelf, by yourself, sitting alone wondering what kind of escape from this hellish world would be best for you.

In my case.

Drinking.

I drink to rid of my issues, to find places for those I've been missing for a long time.

Outlets, ways you can speak to those around you and get help. I have multiple but a cry for help gets you pity.

It gets you nowhere.

It gets me the same damn questions I'm asked by my sister.

Do you feel okay? Is your depression worse or better? Did you leave your room today?

There is one outlet that doesn't ask questions or make me feel bad for not leaving my room.

Alcohol.

I know they care, Beth, Eden, and River.

But care and trust are opposites.

When I care for someone I give them space or help them when they need it. I let them trust I will be there for them when they need it.

I feel like a burden when care comes into the scenario.

I feel trapped, like Eden tells me, "You'll get worse if you don't try to get better."

What does she believe I've tried to do?

I try to get out of bed, I try to not rely on alcohol to make me happy, I try to come out of my room, and I try to trust them.