Arrow AU's & Drabbles

The Secret Regret of Felicity Smoak

Hey, so book is just a collection of all my little writing pieces/drabbles relating olicity. Updating is obviously inconsistent as these ideas come and go. Check out my other books "Warrior" or "For Felicity" which are also Olicity if you like this one :) This is the first one and i hope you like it! 

Description: This takes place after 3.09 when Oliver Queen leaves to fight Ra's Al Ghul and is supposedly shown dead. 

The sky was the colour of tranquility that day. Soft grass bent under her feet as the woman in the long, black dress and blond hair walked with a stony heart and a bouquet of flowers in a vast expansed field. She carelessly graced across trespassed territory, with a single destination in heart. As she saw it, her stomach knotted and her eyes threatened to break all floodgates. She had arrived. The woman in black observed the three tombstones, weathering but never crumbling against the chaos of the world.  She envied these graves. Her paralyzed feet slowly carried her to the one in the middle. She sat beside it. Rather clumsily too. Her cold hands fidgeted with the petals of the white roses as she laid out the bouquet at the foot of the grave.

‘Hey, Oliver,” Felicity Smoak choked out as thick, hot tears rolled down her frozen face.
After two years of Oliver Queen’s defeat from Ra’s Al Ghul, Felicity Smoak returned to Starling City. As Oliver had once resorted to the island after Tommy’s death, Felicity had moved on to Central City after Oliver’s. A day didn’t go by when he didn’t haunt her dreams or appear in every corner during the morning. When they had delivered his pale body along with the sword that monster had killed him with, Felicity knew she was destroyed irrevocably.

A part of her would always be empty. It was a gaping whirlpool inside of her that would suck her in entirely if she didn’t get away from him. He was dead. But she loved him. She remembered how she’d remembered at that instant that she’d never told him that. When Oliver was leaving to run at Death, he’d told her he loved her. And she’d been paralyzed with either joy or shock. Or perhaps both. All that mattered after he left was the she’d never said it back. What if he didn’t go if she’d said it back? What if she told him that she loved him so achingly, so agonizingly, and then he wouldn’t have miraculously died? It does’t matter anymore. It didn’t make sense but it was a what if that would linger in all of her existence. She remembered the stupidest thing she’d ever done when Diggle, Roy and that bastard Merlyn had left his body. She’d kissed him. Felicity Smoak had kissed the dead, cold lips of Oliver Queen. It couldn’t be described; the yearning and pain that was in that one collision of lips. The tears that had stained Oliver’s face didn’t wake him up. Her kiss didn’t wake him up. She told him she loved him, but that didn’t wake him up. Oliver Queen was gone. That’s when Felicity Smoak had broken down completely.

“I came back,” she weakly said now. “It’s the first place I came to after the airport. You know me, my terrible sense of direction, that’s why it took so long to get..” her words started to die.
“But you obviously don’t care about my stupid transport issues because you’re..well, dead,” she said angrily as tears stained her shattered face. “I loved you. I never stopped, Oliver. And the single thing I regret the most is that I never got to say that to you. And when I did, you couldn’t say it back to me anymore.” Felicity whimpered, overwhelmed by the weight on her chest. “It isn’t fair, Oliver. You were innocent. I was innocent. And the one man I’d loved with all my broken being had to be buried several feet under the ground,” she sobbed uncontrollably. “I could never move on, you know. You were the first person that had taught me what love was. I never try to bring back our moments with anyone else because I know that whoever’s with me is going to ruin it. They’re going to ruin the idea of our love, Oliver. It was so real. We were real. It was unsaid, but it hung in the air, nonetheless. My memories of us are so perfect, and crystal clear, and fragile. They’re fragile, so I don’t disturb them, so that I don’t ruin them.” Felicity didn’t notice against her that the sky had suddenly began crying. It was pelting rain. “I don’t know why I’m blabbing on, Oliver. If you were here, you’d smile in that collected way I loved so much. You’d watch me as I would countdown to shut up. And you’d just wait, smiling.”