lost

3

Marcus, diary pieces

Friday, 13:00 PM

Ginny is dead.

I'm in my room. I couldn't think of anything. first I wanted to make a plan to find her, but then the call came this morning.

Ginny and Austin died in a fire. They don't know how it happened. They are on their way with the ashes. I can't think about it. every time I try to think about her, my mind just blocks completely. I want to die. I'm not sure if I can lose someone else. I love Ginny so much. It feels like it's my fault. If I hadn't climbed through her window, we would never have had sex. She would never have argued with anyone. She would have several people to come to. But I climbed through her window. I couldn't help it. I thought about all the memories we have together. I know I'm only fifteen, but it feels like she was the love of my life. When she told me she didn't love me, I no longer saw the value of life. That's when the motorcycle accident happened. I feel lost without her. I wait quietly for the persons to come with her things. They will know more. Like, where did she go? Why did she leave? How did they get into the water ?, and many more questions. My sister is broken. Of course she had a fight with her, but actually she really liked Ginny. I don't blame her, but she does blame herself. Just like that Abby girl. The three of them cry in her room all day. they are very noisy. I can hear everything they say. "If I hadn't stopped her from telling you." , "If I hadn't gotten so mad at her and just let her explain." and all that kind of crap. when we just got the news, Max was so angry. She screamed it was all my fault. Now she comes in every ten minutes to say she's sorry and has no idea what it would be for me and to check in if I'm still alive. They don't say anything about it, but from last year they know I'm probably just thinking about dying. It's true. I only think of dying. I want to hurt myself, but I have to stay strong. For Ginny. I keep thinking why she would have left. It must have had something to do with Georgia because she had to run. She couldn't tell her mother. Of course none of us went to school today. If I had, I would have killed myself. Just because everything there reminds me of her. Everything actually does here too. This is where she said she loved me, she saw me here for the first time after the motorcycle accident, she climbed through that window, we talked about our feelings and we had sex here. I don't want to be here. What am I doing here? I'm going to Max. I don't care about her stupid friends. I just need to talk to someone.

Friday, 19:00 PM

There came this weird letter for me.

It said:

Hey Marcus,

I heart your girlfriend died. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Take care and if it's a really bad day just go back to the drawing board. Start all over again. Now, don't be sad anymore. I have to go now. we need to get Peters 'bloody eyes' measured for new glasses. I hope to see you soon! I live in Virginia now. Massachusetts just didn't felt safe anymore, you know? It just didn't felt like home.

love,

Your cousin Lilly Davids

I don't understand a single word of this letter. Do I even have a cousin called Lilly?

friday, 22:55 PM

I asked my mother. I don't have a cousin named Lilly. It finally hit me. This was no weird cousin. This was someone who knew something about Ginny. I looked up Lilly Davids, but there were about 20,000 in Massachusetts alone. So I tried every word in her letter. I haven't found anything. So I'm just going to go to Max. I'm not going to tell her about the letter just yet, but if it's really dangerous here, I need someone.

Saturday, 2:43 AM

I FOUND SOMETHING!!

Georgia slept with us for the past two nights. tonight I went downstairs to get some food and Georgia slept on the couch. She woke up when I came in and went into the kitchen with me. she was wearing a black top that showed half of her back. I saw the tattoo on her back but didn't think about it until now. I finally realized why it looked so familiar to me. It's the same as Ginny had on the jacket she wore the last time I saw her. It's an eye. I reread the letter and saw the words "bloody eyes" in quotation marks. I didn't pay any attention to it at first. I searched for anything that had nothing to do with just 'bloody eyes' and I finally found something. It was a biker gang. Their signature was an eye, just like the tattoo or the jacket, and they call themselves the 'Blood Eyes'

//

Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes! I'm very tired so I'm going to bed now!

leaving this song here, because I kinda feel Marcus feels this way.                          'dancing with your ghost' ,Sasha Sloan