Changes

Chapter one.

17 year old Ashley run her fingers through my hair. I put my hands on her waist, pulling her in closer. Ashley kissed me and started taking her pink t-shirt off.

'No' I said.

'What's wrong?' Ashley asked.

'I'm sorry. I can't do this' I said.

Ashley rolled her eyes and leant back against the wall.

'Whatever' she said.

'I'm sorry' I said.

'Look its fine. I'm going to go to Lily's house' Ashley said, getting up and walking towards my bedroom door, putting her phone in her back pocket.

'Wait' I said.

'What?' Ashley asked, turning around.

'Please. Stay' I said.

'Bye Molly' Ashley said.

'Bye Ashley' I said.

Ashley left, shutting the bedroom door behind her.

'Do you think the reason your having trouble being intimate with Ashley is because you suffer from body issues?' Dr Katie asked, leaning back in her chair, balancing her clipboard on her leg.

I shrugged.

'I don't know. Maybe' I said.

'How do you identify? Gay, straight, bi?' Dr Katie asked.

'I identify as a lesbian' I said.

'If you dont mind, could you describe your relationship with Ashley?' Dr Katie asked.

'What do you want to know?' I asked.

'Is Ashley a good girlfriend?' Dr Katie asked.

'I guess' I said.

Dr Katie raised her eyebrows. 'You don't know?' she asked.

'Ashley's not always the perfect girlfriend, but we love each others' I said.

'Does she ever forget your Birthday?' Dr Katie asked.

'She dident come to my 14th Birthday. She dident buy me a present or card' I said.

'How long have you and Ashley been together?' Dr Katie asked.

'5 years. We've been together since we we're 13' I said.

'When did you first meet?' Dr Katie asked.

'We met at school when we we're 12. Ashley was the new girl' I said.

'How did you and Ashley end up being friends?' Dr Katie asked.

'I was hanging out with Blake and Alyssa and I asked Ashley if she wanted to be friends with us. Ashley dosent hang out with Alyssa and Blake anymore. I spend half my time with Ashley, the other half with Alyssa and Blake' I said.

'Do you hate your body?' Dr Katie asked.

'I've never had weight issues. My Mum told me that girls don't look like the supermodels in fashion magizines.  I don't even read girls magizines. Clothes and make up don't interest me. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?' I asked.

'No of course not' Dr Katie said, writing something on her clipboard.

'How would you describe your style?' she asked.

'I don't have one. My Mum buys me skirts, dresses, heels. She's making me wear a pink frilly dress with pink heels to my Dad's fancy dinner tonight' I said.

'Do you like wearing girls clothes?' Dr Katie asked.

'No I don't attchulley. I hate wearing skirts and dresses. I don't know why. Mum said I'm a girl, I'm supposed to wear dresses and skirts' I said.

'Just because your a girl does not mean you have to wear dresses and skirts. Lots of girls wear hoodies, jeans and bumpers instead of dresses and heels. My daughter wears a hoodie and jeans every day. She never wears dresses or skirts. The only time she wears dresses is when she goes to dances, and that's her choice. I don't make her wear dresses' Dr Katie said.

'I want to wear men's clothes' I said.

'That's completely fine. Why not ask your Mum to buy you some men's clothes on the way home' Dr Katie suggested.

'I don't think she'll agree to it honestly' I said.

'It's worth a try' Dr Katie said. 'Do you like wearing make up?' she asked.

I shook my head.

'No. My Mum makes me wear it' I said.

'If you don't want to wear make up, that's your choice, not your Mums. She can't tell you to wear make up if you don't want to' Dr Katie said.

She looked at her watch.

'That's all we have time for today. My next patient will be here soon' Dr Katie said.

'So do you know why I can't be intimate with Ashley?' I asked.

'I think so. It's to do with body issues' Dr Katie said.

'I told you, I don't have a problem with my weight. I don't hate my body' I said.

'I don't mean your weight' Dr Katie said.

I was confused.

'Wait. What?'.

Dr Katie grabbed a leaflet and gave it to me.

'What's this?' I asked.

'It's a book about being non binary' Dr Katie said.

I frowned.

'What's non binary?' I asked.

'Non binary gender identity is just one term used to describe individuals who may experience a gender identity that is neither exclusively woman or man or is in between or beyond both genders. Non binary individuals may identify as genderfluid, agender, which means without gender, genderqueer, or something else entirely' Dr Katie said. 'There's nothing wrong with being non binary'.

'What pronouns do non binary people use if they're not a boy or a girl?' I asked.

'Many non binary people use they, while other use he or she and still others use other pronouns. Asking whether someone should be referred to as he, she, they or another pronoun may feel awkward at first, but it is one of the simplest and most important ways to show respect for someone's identity' Dr Katie said.

'If I decide I'm non binary, what pronouns do I use?' I asked.

'They, he or she' Dr Katie said.