Broken

September 22nd (Clark)

Sarah's car screeched to a halt in front of me. I probably looked homeless wrapped up in a blanket. I pulled the passenger door open and silently slid in. The car remained in park, and I looked at her expectedly. 

"You didn't think I would just go without an explanation?" she asked gesturing to the hotel. 

"we aren't leaving until you tell me exactly why I am picking you up in the middle of night from Harry Style's hotel room."

I sighed

"Look Sarah it was nothing"

"Pfffft nothing? Fine if it was nothing then you shouldn't have a problem telling me. Which, by the way you didn't think I wouldn't notice the boxers and t-shirt you are wearing."

"fine." I relented.

"I forgot my wallet and license and everything back at the venue. Harry was polite and offered his hotel room for me to stay in until I could go back and get them in the morning. I didn't have any clothing to sleep in so he gave me these. Then we went to bed. I woke up because I couldn't sleep and then used his phone to call you. You came and picked me up. End of story" I finished with a huff. That was almost the whole truth.

"Happy?" I scowled.

"wow. not really. that story was surprisingly disappointing. I mean I thought you would at least kiss or something." 

"well we didn't" I snapped.

"okaaaay... someone's a little uptight." she said lifting an eyebrow in my direction.

"just- please just drive me home Sarah." I sighed. She nodded, and we sat in silence until she pulled up in front of my house.

"I'll um-see you tomorrow." I mumbled getting out of the car.

"hey." she said abruptly 

"I love you." she gave me a small smile. 

I knew this wasn't her fault. I rubbed my temples.

"I love you too Sar. Sorry for being in such a crappy mood." 

She shrugged, the corners of her mouth slightly turning up.

"see ya soon" she waved, and sped off down the street.

I woke up the next morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I slowly moved my limbs, which felt like cement and looked around my room through squinted eyes. I stretched and pulled my covers back, revealing Harry's black boxers on my body. 

"Shit" I swore, as everything from the night before came back to me. The drinking, his dazzling green eyes,  his hotel room, his fucking body hovering over mine, and then- .... and then I fucking left. 

"Aghhhh" I l let out a frustrated groan and buried my head in my pillow. I lay there for a few seconds wishing that I could just dissolve into my sheets. I turned my head to the side and opened one eye. The clock on my bedside table told me that I definitely needed to get up to go to work. I would have to get my phone and wallet after work. I rolled over to the edge of the bed, and dramatically slid off the bed and onto the floor. I lifted my head to see the time again. 1:30 PM. I started to get up to get dressed for my shift, but the date in the corner of the digital clock caught my eye. 

September 22nd. I slowly lowered myself back down to the hard wood floor, shocked. I knew it was coming up, but I didn't expect it so soon. My head dropped against the cold floor. The fucking anniversary of when my parents died. I expected to cry, sob, scream even, but I felt nothing. My whole body was just- numb. Shallow breaths barely reached my lungs as I lay unmoving. I stared blankly at the cracks in the ceiling. Not one thought came to my head. Not one. The only thing I could focus on was keeping the air going in and out of my lungs.

I got ready, got breakfast, took the T to work, and started serving coffee. It was all sort of hazy. Like I was watching myself through a kaleidoscope. I couldn't quite tell where I was or what I was doing. It was like my body was mindlessly moving and breathing only because it had to. I told myself that if I could survive till tomorrow I would be okay. Tomorrow isn't today, and that was enough. Hours rolled by. People came in and out. I served them coffee, my face stayed locked in a blank stare. I couldn't think because if I started I wouldn't be able to stop. The sounds the smell, everything from that day would come crashing back onto me. I chose to push it down so deep, that I would never have to relive it.

 I finished up my shift and locked the door to the shop. I slid into the back of a taxi, and told him to go to the venue I had been at last night. Even though all I wanted to do was go home and bury myself underneath my covers, I had to get my stuff back sooner rather than later. I leaned into the cushioned seat, closing my eyes. I tried to let the sounds of the city block out the persisting thoughts in my head, but it was no use. Vivid images push their way to the surface. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber. The blaring siren from the ambulance. I lean over my stirring brother, and shake my mom. A single stream of blood trickles down her forehead.  

Mom! I yell frantically putting my hands to her face.

Her neck is twisted at an odd angle, and I know. I let out a whimper, which turns into a broken sob. I shake her again and again willing her to move. She flops back and forth in my desperate hands.

"Miss?" The taxi cab driver says staring at me with an annoyed look. The car has stopped in front of the restaurant and he has his hand out expectedly.

"right" I mutter, placing a wad of crumpled dollar bills in his hands. I get out of the car and hurry towards the door to the venue. I yank it, but it's locked. I pull harder. It doesn't budge. I bang on the door and scream.

"HELLOO?" 

"Can I help you?" I rather large man asks. I jump in surprise at his sudden appearance. It's getting dark out and I'm not looking to get kidnapped. I look at him a little closer, and realize that he's the same guy that was collecting tickets outside the door last night. 

"Yeah... um. I left my wallet, ID, keys- basically everything important to me- here last night and I was hoping someone turned it in."

"Ah yes" he says nodding his head. 

"Someone did turn it in, but it was claimed later today."

"wait what? who? why? That's my stuff. Why would you give my ID  to someone who DIDN'T LOOK LIKE ME." I shout extremely annoyed. 

"He told me he was your brother and that if you stopped by, to tell you that he had it with him in his hotel room." 

"WHO WOULD-" I stop. Fuck.

"Is there a problem?" he inquires clearly aware that there's more to the situation. I sigh rubbing my temples. Fuck you Harry. I left in the middle of the night for a reason. So I would never have to seem again. The pain of seeing him and not being able to have him was too much for me.  I WAS HOPING to get rid of that problem by running away from the whole situation. I roll my eyes.

"no, no that was my brother. I'll just have to go get everything from him." I say shaking my head in exasperation. The man nods. I thank him and he stalks off, leaving me standing alone. The sky darkens to a dusk. I let out an annoyed grunt and head back towards the street to call a cab. Looks like I'm going back to the hotel.

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