𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔹𝕠𝕪𝕤 • seodo/Hodo

1.

Seoho pov.

It's 7 am and I'm freaking tired. I feel and maybe even look like a zombie. I mean I guess that's what happens if you're awake all night just because you're reading through your old messages with your ex while listening to lovesick girls from Blackpink. I am indeed lovesick.
He was so sweet... How can everything he said be a lie?
ugh, please stop thinking... 

I can't even focus on class because I just have no power. I feel like a big part of me is missing...  I'm sitting in my seat not listening to what Mrs. Choi is talking about.

"Seoho..?" I hear whispers from my right side.
"Seohooo" "what?" I whisper back while turning to the person who is trying to get my attention for the past 4 minutes.
"Can you give me a pen?"
"Mingi you already have four of my pens where did they end up?" I look at him with a frown.
"Uhm well, my roommate asked me so I gave one to him. And San has one. You know san. The dude in the front row who's a big flirt until you talk about plushies." he mumbles quietly, looking at me with an apologizing face. 
" I know who San is he is sitting right in front of me" I said with a giggle, pointing at the pink-haired boy in front of me. He turned his head slightly, probably questioning why we mentioned his name. That made Mingi and me laugh, maybe a bit too loud because my teacher glared at us.
I gave one of my pens to the clumsy boy and took some notes for the rest of the class.

well, at least I try to focus more. 

---- at lunch ----

I was stabbing my food staring into nothing while many thoughts run through my head.
If I would have answered differently... would we still be together? Did I overreact? but why did he break up with me? was it really because I didn't sleep with him?...
I can't believe we broke up... I didn't think it would end like that... It's my fault after all... maybe I should-
"Hyung stop stabbing your food, please. It's already dead it won't be more dead after that." Dongju sighed taking away my fork.
"Give me that back" I pout a little, but backing off after seeing Dongju trying to bite me.

"What's going on in your mind? You're like that for a week now." Hwanwoong points out.
"Also, why didn't Jiwoo come to see you today? Normally you two would inseparable." Keonhee stated.

"Yeah right, where did your boyfriend-" "we broke up." I interrupted them.
Then everything became silent for a second.

"Why?" I heard Dongjus's voice. "Dongju no-"
"He said he didn't love me. Don't worry too much okay?" I looked at them. I mean I can see that they don't believe me but I don't want to cry in front of them. Especially not in school.

"Listen, I know you don't want to talk about it here but at home, you can come to us. No matter who you want to talk to, we will listen." Youngjo said.
"I know, thank you guys" I give him a forced smile and snatch my fork back.
"Now let me eat or else I will have to eat one of you."

"I'm pretty sure you can't even reach us." Keonhee teased me.
"Your not that tall also If you think I am small what is hwanwoong then?" I smirked but earned a smack against my head from the younger.
"Rude" "I'm not that small you squirrel" I didn't want to talk anymore so I stuffed some food in Hwanwoongs mouth to shut him up.

---- later at home ----

I walk up to Geonhaks & youngjos shared room with sweaty palms.
I thought a lot about Youngjos offer and came to the solution that it could maybe really help me to talk at least a bit. 

"Seoho?" Youngjo frowns after seeing me standing in the doorframe.
"Yeah, well... I wanted to...talk to you because I think this could maybe help me a bit. Are you free right now?" I asked scratching my neck nervously. 

"Oh. Yes of course sit down" he said, patting the space next to him. As we sit down I collect my words, take a deep breath and look at him. I made myself sweater paws without even noticing at first. 

I started to open up to him. Sharing all my thoughts. The thoughts that kept me up all night. The thoughts that were running through my mind, disturbing my daily life. It was hard at first because I never talked about things like that but I felt like I had to. Sometimes some words would get stuck in my throat, after some time I felt my fingertips getting cold like they always did when I cried or thought really much. My grandma once told me that it has something to do with my nerves. 

I told him how it came to our break up. Everything about that day. I even showed him the text messages. I didn't notice I was crying until he hugged me, telling me not to cry.

After I calmed myself down and thanked him he said something 

"Seoho please just... Remember it's not your fault. You are worth more than just that okay? You will find the right person when the time is right... And I know you're hurt right now but the pain will fade. Focus on other things and I think... You will get over him. Just know that you're not alone we will always be on your side."

I nod slowly and think about what he said. I mean he's right. Now I have to figure out what that something could be. 

And I have no idea. 

___________________________________

I'm so sorry I know it's kinda boring right now but I promise I'll try my best to make it more interesting.