(s)he's hot | NOMIN

26

You've reached Jaemin's voicemail, leave a message!

"Hey," Jeno had thought of the words he wanted to say, but none of them left his mouth. He wiggled his toes in his shoes as the hand, in which he didn't hold his phone, searched for something to busy himself with. "It's me, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now..."

Jeno took a deep breath and tried to stop his hand from shaking. He stood up from his seat on the beanbag and started walking back and forth. "...And, I get that." The words got caught in his throat, he wanted them to spill so badly, but something inside him was preventing him from doing so.

"I know this might sound weird, but, I miss you, a lot, and I know that I've been a jerk to you, an asshole, a dickhead, whatever you want to call me." Jeno softly but bitterly chuckled at his choice of words, because he knew they were true.

He had been a jerk since he tried to hurt Jaemin, he had been an asshole for demanding Jaemin to tell him what happened to him, he had been a dickhead for causing him a panic attack.

"But I just can't stop worrying about you," Jeno shut his mouth for a split second to fight the tears which were tickling behind his eyes. "I thought about what you told me the other day, about what love is."

Love is everything. Love is so much more than just finding someone and living happily ever after. Love is your mom bringing you food when you're sick, love is your friends asking if you wanted to hang out. Love is complimenting people, letting them feel good about themselves for once.

Ever since they had a fall out, Jeno noticed he did take love for granted. Especially Jaemin's. Donghyuck was the one who scolded him about only caring for himself and doing what he wanted to do, he was the one who made Jeno realize he missed him.

Donghyuck was the one who made him realize that things shouldn't continue like this.

A second of silence filled up the space on his voicemail before Jeno started talking again. "And to be honest, I don't think I have it figured out yet, I don't know what love exactly is, but a thing I do know is that I felt it when I was with you. That time we made cupcakes and we had a food war with flour, the brightest smile was plastered on your face, and I was so happy I was the one who caused it."

The emotions overcame him, all at once. He bit back another sob. "I didn't know I would be the one causing it to fade. You barely smile anymore when we see each other, I wish you'd smile more. It suits you, it's beautiful. You're gorgeous..."

"I-" A loud beep interrupted Jeno's sentence and had possibly caused his eardrum to tear. Jeno quickly dialed Jaemin's number again.

"I know you told me to not call you again. But I guess I was just calling to check if you were okay. I didn't know you felt like that about our friendship." Jeno hated that word, friendship. He didn't want a friendship, he wanted more than that. But he shouldn't be selfish.

"I just wanted you to know that I cherish what we have, or what we had, I never wanted you to feel like the only one wanting this friendship to last. I wanted it to last too, shit I still want it to last." Jeno blinked the tears away, at least he tried, but with every blink more and more tears rolled over his cheeks.

"I'm always here if you need me, I hope you know that." I love you. Those were the words he wanted to end with, he wanted them to be the last thing he would ever say to Jaemin.

I love you.

But before he could, another loud beep resonated through his ear. He slightly winced at the sudden uncomfortable sound before pulling the device away from his ear. Jeno sighed deeply, he threw his phone on his bed and grabbed locks of hair between his fingers. He sat down on the chair behind his desk and put his elbows on his knees, his head hung love between his shoulders.