If I lose myself

Chapter 9. "All in good time." ✔️

Lauren stood outside the bedroom door, a freshly made waffle and a mug of decaffeinated coffee, balanced precariously on a tray on her arm. She'd woken up early to prepare the spread for Camila, wanting to start the day off by making her girlfriend breakfast in bed; just the first surprise of the many which she'd planned for the day ahead.

It was Christmas Eve, one of Camila's favorite days of the year, and to say that Lauren was nervous about what the next twenty-four hours would bring was a complete and utter understatement.

It wasn't like Lauren hadn't been nervous before, because she had; numerous times. In fact, she could easily remember a hundred different moments in her past which had led to her fight or flight response waging a silent war within her. Camila was largely responsible for most of those moments. She had a funny way of making Lauren's stomach erupt with nervous butterflies in even the simplest of exchanges and she felt that same stir of agitation in her gut now, only magnified tenfold; the uncomfortable sensation growing more and more overwhelming as the seconds leading up to the proposal slowly disappeared with the inevitable passage of time.

She was restless and highly-strung; her nerves frayed to the point that she was completely incapable of remaining still for any longer than one minute at a time. She was more anxious than she'd ever been in her entire life. Her whole body was a mess of nervous energy. She was constantly on edge. It was as though she was teetering dangerously close to the brink of a steep precipice, and the tiniest change in the direction of the wind would send her hurtling over it in to complete oblivion; the same way that Camila's refusal of her proposal would send her plummeting into the depths of despair.

"Jasper, would you get out of the way?" Lauren reprimanded the Springer Spaniel, who was wrapping himself around her legs enthusiastically at the presence of the food she held.

She sighed, nudging him gently out of the way with her right foot.

"Jasper," she complained, repeating the process again when he returned almost instantly to his previous venture; apparently undeterred by the attempted dismissal. "You're never like this with Camz," she muttered, reaching for the door handle with a clammy right hand, her skin slick with sweat as a result of her nerves. "Jasper, sit," she tried once more, pausing to wait for him to obey.

Lauren rolled her eyes when he ignored her.

She didn't know why she'd expected it to be that easy. After all, the rebellious ball of fluff at her feet had always been more receptive to Camila's demands than hers. For some reason, he would follow Camila's instructions without fault or hesitation but when it came to her own, Jasper was at best, extremely sporadic in his compliance.

"God, you're such a mama's boy," Lauren grumbled, trying to slide him to one side again with her foot but almost losing her hold on the breakfast tray instead. "Can't you help me out just this once?" she asked, her tall frame towering over Jasper, who was now stood watching her, his tail wagging excitedly from side to side.

Lauren looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

"You do know that you lived with me first, right?" she asked him, stepping forward. "You wouldn't be where you are today if it weren't for me looking after you." She informed him tersely. "You owe me."

Jasper moved backward into the bedroom at Lauren's continued advancement towards him and he sat down in front of her on his hind legs, blocking her path, his tail still moving animatedly one way then the other.

"Now you decide to sit down," Lauren laughed lightly, shaking her head in defeat. "Fine, be like that," she said, managing to step around him and into the room at last.