If I lose myself

Chapter 5. "I'm not stubborn. You're stubborn." ✔️

Lauren found Camila, as she'd done numerous times before, collapsed in a heap on the bedroom floor by the bed, her whole body jerking violently as she convulsed. Jasper was barking fiercely beside Camila to try and attract attention, and Lauren hurried over to kneel beside the smaller girl, pushing him gently out of the way with one hand so that she could roll Camila over on to her side with the other.

"It's ok Camz," Lauren said, her voice more uneasy than she'd intended for it to sound. "You're alright. I've got you." She told her, sitting back on to her heels and lifting Camila's head on to her lap, holding it loosely in her grasp.

She watched Camila closely for a few seconds and brushed her girlfriend's long, dark hair out of her face so that she could check on her properly.

"Shit," Lauren cursed under her breath worriedly, noting the way that Camila's eyes had rolled into the back of her head and her mouth was foaming profusely.

She used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe at the saliva, the act more or less futile while Camila's seizure continued.

"Come on babe," Lauren urged, continuing to stroke Camila's hair in a vain attempt to pacify her.

Lauren could feel the rapid rise and fall of Camila's chest, could hear her girlfriend's labored breathing, and she closed her eyes tightly, silently praying for the seizure to stop of its own accord.

'Please stop,' Lauren thought, 'please stop, please stop, please stop.' She repeated, over and over again in her head, the sound of Jasper's incessant yapping starting to irritate her. "Goddamn, it Jasper! Sit!" Lauren instructed harshly; annoyed when, after a further ten seconds, the Springer Spaniel still continued to howl unrelentingly, his front paws lifting a few centimeters off the floor with his enthusiasm.

Jasper whimpered a moment but obeyed the command, lying down on the floor beside Lauren and Camila as Dinah entered the room to check that they were ok.

"Good boy," Lauren praised Jasper more kindly, ruffling the fur on the top of his head with her hand when he calmed down.

He positioned himself close to Camila's stomach, his head resting dejectedly on the floor between both his paws, facing his owner.

"How's she doing?" Dinah asked Lauren anxiously, pulling the door closed shut behind her as she stepped further in to the room; her concern for Camila when she was having a seizure difficult to suppress, despite all the times she'd had to witness her having one. "Is she ok?"

"Yeah," Lauren replied, quickly lifting her eyes to meet Dinah's troubled ones and then returning them to Camila, whose body had started to relax. "She seems to be settling now."

Dinah walked over and crouched down beside Camila and Lauren, her face twisted fretfully. She took a moment to study her best friend, pleased to see that Lauren's words were true; that Camila's breathing was calming and her limbs were no longer shaking as vigorously as they had been only a few seconds ago.

"What about you?" Dinah asked Lauren, exhaling a slow purposeful breath; pleased. "Are you ok?"

"Sure," Lauren lied; her attention focused solely on Camila, who was now only very weakly twitching in her arms; the ictal phase of the seizure thankfully coming to an end.

"You're such a liar," Dinah responded, giving Lauren a sympathetic smile.

"I know," Lauren admitted, lightly caressing Camila's temple with her fingertips, her girlfriend's skin slick with sweat, her face flushed.

"Do they still scare the shit out of you too?" Dinah put to the green-eyed girl and Lauren nodded, still not averting her attention away from Camila.