"Ally!" Lauren shouted, banging her fist against her best friends' front door frantically. "Ally! Are you home?!"
Lauren paused for a moment and leant forward to peer through one of the small opaque glass panels in the door, looking for a sign of movement on the other side of it. When she saw none, she stood upright, and began hitting the door again, desperate for someone to answer.
"Ally! Please let me in?!" she called, not ceasing her relentless assault on the door for even a moment. "Ally! Can you open the door?! I really need to talk you!" she continued, only stopping when a shadow fell behind the glass in front of her.
"Lauren?" Ally said, when at last the door finally opened. "What's wrong?" she asked, surprised by the state that her best friend was in.
Lauren's cheeks were streaked with tears, and her whole body seemed to possess a nervous energy that made her appear edgy and stressed.
"Can I come in?" Lauren requested, running an agitated hand through her hair.
"Sure," Ally answered, stepping aside to allow Lauren to enter.
She closed the door behind Lauren, and watched as the other girl made her way along the hall, looking into each room that she passed as if searching for something.
"Are you ok?" Ally asked, following after her.
"Are your parents' home?" Lauren countered, stopping in front of the living room door.
"No, they're out." Ally replied, frowning. "Why?"
"What about Dinah?" Lauren asked, reaching up to rub the back of her neck nervously. "Is she here?"
"No, she picked up Karla earlier and then took her home." Ally informed her.
"Ok," Lauren said, nodding her head slightly as she considered Ally's answer. "That's good..."
"Lauren, what happened?" Ally pressed gently, concerned by her friends' behaviour.
"I broke up with Camila," Lauren replied bluntly, walking into the living room without any further explanation.
"Wait? What?" Ally responded in disbelief, joining her.
"I broke up with her," Lauren repeated, turning back to face Ally. "We broke up..." she tried to clarify, but couldn't. "I just...I left her...I just left..."
"Are you serious?" Ally asked, approaching her friend.
Lauren nodded her head solemnly.
"I told her that I wished that she'd died instead of my mom, and then we had a fight, and I pushed her into the wall," Lauren shared, rambling as she started to pace back and forth across the carpet, too restless to sit down. "Then she had a seizure, and you know, I ran away and left her. I just left her and she could have died. What kind of person does that?" She asked rhetorically, gesturing emphatically with her hands. "I told her...I told her that I don't love her anymore, and that I don't ever want to marry her, but I lied because I do love her. I just...she's right. I don't want to marry her. Not right now. Not when things are like this between us. I'm too angry at her, but I don't know why, and...and maybe I will want to marry her again someday. I just...I...she..." Lauren stumbled. "She doesn't deserve this, and I don't deserve her, and I just...I bully her, and she lets me. She just...she lets me, and she said...she said that she wants to hurt herself, and that I make her want to hurt herself, but I actually did hurt her, and I didn't care that I had, but...she let me do it, and she shouldn't let me. So I broke up with her. I just...I broke up with her because if I hadn't then I would have just kept hurting her...and I don't...I don't mean to do it, but I do. I do it all the time, and I just...I enjoy it...and that's so fucked up...and I'm fucked up..."
YOU ARE READING
If I lose myself
FanfictionIt's the sequel of TaT! It takes place after chapter 82 and before the Epilog. It was never finished by the original author, just so you know. And some people say that this book trigged them ⚠️ If there is a spelling or grammar mistake just comment...
