JO WILSON Suicide is Painless

CHAPTER 1: The first evening home

Trigger Warning : selfharm, suicidal thoughts, rape, substance abuse

This story starts with Jo coming back from meeting her mother in season 15. This is when she found out that her mother was raped and that she was a result of that. This made her fall into a depressive episode. This story goes deeper into her thoughts, feelings and relationships as a result of her depression.

As she unlocked the front door, she felt different. It felt as if her whole world had gone dark. She hoped Alex wouldn't be home but as she opened the door she heard his voice from the kitchen. "Jo is that you?? How was your trip?" Jo had told Alex that she visited an old friend, she couldn't possibly tell him where she really went. Not after what she found out. "Yes it's me! It was great!" Jo answered and she tried to sound optimistic. Alex walked towards her and kissed her. "I've missed you." He said. "I've missed you too." Jo said and she tried to smile. All she wanted to do was just lay in bed or chug a whole bottle of vodka to make her thoughts disappear, but she saw that Alex had cooked dinner. Or atleast something that looks like dinner. "I tried my best, I wanted to surprise you but if it isn't good we can order a pizza?" Alex said when he saw Jo looking. "No it looks delicious." Jo answered. They sat down and started eating. Alex asked her all kinds of questions about the trip. Luckily she had thought of some fake answers on her way home and she tried her best to seem happy. After dinner, Alex had to go to the hospital and Jo was finally alone. She wanted to be alone, but at the same time it was scary, since it meant she was alone with her thoughts. She didn't know what to do, ever since she found out that she was a product of rape she didn't feel like she had a right to exist anymore. Like she was just some mistake. She knew that she couldn't keep all this to herself, but how could she possibly tell someone? She felt ashamed, so instead she opened all the cupboards, looking for alcohol.

She found a bottle of gin. Not her favorite, but it would do the trick. Alex wouldn't be home until the morning as he usually crashed in an on-call room to be close to his patients. Jo didn't bother to grab a glass and she drank straight from the bottle. With every sip her thoughts and feelings became more blurry. She kept on drinking until the whole room started spinning, she stopped when she started to feel nauseous. She just laid on the ground. Then her phone started ringing, it was only 10pm, it was Link. Jo decided to answer it, because it was likely that Link would come to her house if she didn't. "Hey Link" She said. "Hey Jo, how was your trip?" She tried her best to sound sober. "Yess uhmm it was good I guess." "Are you okay? Jo you can tell me when something is going on, you know that right?" Shit he knew something was up. He always knew. She tried to convince him that everything was fine, but he didn't believe her. "Jo, I just want to come by to check on you, whether you like it or not, see you in a little bit!" He said and he hung up the phone. She normally wouldn't have minded his persistence, but all she wanted right now was to be left alone.

*10 minutes later*

*knock, knock* "Jo are you there?" Jo didn't want to move from the floor. "Yes, come in!" She shouted and Link opened the door to find her lying on the floor with an almost empty bottle next to her. "What are you doing? Did you drink that all by yourself?" He asked her, sounding concerned. "Yes" Jo answered and suddenly she felt really nauseous. "Im gonna be sick" She managed to say before she threw up all over the floor. "It's okay" Link said, "Do you feel a bit better now?" Jo nodded. "Okay let me just bring you to bed while I clean this up, is Alex coming home soon?" "Yes he is on his way" Jo lied. "Okay just try to get some sleep, I won't force you to talk about it now, but I do wanna know what's going on." "Mkay" Jo answered and the whole room was spinning as she fell asleep