Her first time preview.

1

Dear diary.

The first week went by fast. I unpacked everything and made my dorm homy. I made some new friends and discovered a good coffee place. There is no morning without a good cup of coffee. And I met this handsome guy named Justin last Friday when I accidentally barged into his room, well at least I thought it was his room. We have English together and he is friends with Trish, my dorm mate. Eliot and my mother don't like my friends, but I don't care. They're different but nice I guess. My mom came to visit on Tuesday and we went out to get my hair done and ate dinner.  Trish took me to a party on Friday night, which was fun at first but after the fight with Eliot on the phone, I just wanted to go. I now know that I'm definitely not a party girl and never will be. I don't like all the drunk and weird people, I hate that the boys can't keep their hands to them selfs. I never wish any girl, what I went through that night. Sometimes I start to think it's my fault, that if I let Justin drive me back this never would have happened.  Luckily for me, Justin didn't live on campus he had a room at the frat house and came to my rescue when he heard me screaming. At first, I thought he was going to be mean, but he didn't he was worried, sweet, and caring. I hadn't seen this Justin before, but I liked this Justin. He let me stay the night and brought me back to campus. On the way to campus, we stopped at a diner to get some breakfast and we actually had a nice time. When we're finally in front of my dorm block we get into a fight because Justin thought I should have taken Eliot's phone call. Which I didn't want at the time. His mood changed into mean and rude Justin again. He practically threw me out of his car, the minute Eliot called. I don't know why and it irritates me he has such control over my emotions. I got out of the car as quickly as I could. His mean and harsh words hurt me every time, but I should have known his nice act would end soon. I cried for about twenty minutes and decided I wasn't going to let him ruin my day and I called Eliot to come over. 

Eliot left in the afternoon to go home and we had fun, but the whole day I was thinking about Justin and wondering if Eliot and I would have sparks too. I mean, we should have because I love him and he's my boyfriend. I just couldn't stop thinking about it and I know Eliot and I have never kissed as I did with Justin, but that shouldn't matter. Eventually, I decided to kiss him and take it a step further, but he didn't seem to like it and there were no sparks. Just like I thought he would he stopped it and reminded me that we were going to wait till the wedding. Why.. why... were there no sparks? Why didn't he want to kiss? Should I have done something differently? Eliot is so squeamish that it annoys me. I know Eliot is not Justin but how can he not want to kiss me. I just don't understand we were only kissing. I'm not saying I want to have sex, cause I don't but I just want to feel close to him just like I felt with Justin. Anyway, I should stop writing about Justin or maybe I should stop writing for today.