Just Coffee k. akaashi

𝚙𝖺𝚛𝚝𝚢

𝚢𝗈𝗎 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝖺𝚢 𝖺𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝗈𝚗.

i swear sometimes you would drive me crazy.

i knew, somewhere along the way, that you didn't like me.

i tried to tell myself that maybe it was just too early and that the sparks would fly soon.

i looked too into our conversations.

everything had a sign.

you had to have known about me and him

it was obvious

every time i got a text and we would both leave the room

every time we could come back in together

every time he had a certain look of lust in his eyes whenever he would stare at me

it was obvious

you had to have known

but

you didnt care?

i always felt so guilty

it felt as if i had. . . forgotten you

in those moments between me and him

all my worries would just disappear

i always wondered how he did it

how he could stay so composed knowing

i knew he knew about me loving another

how he could even stand it

stand me

i was. . . pathetic

deprived

unwanted

and yet

he didn't care

he loved me despite it.

i still remember the party 

i don't know what happened 

but i had felt like the world was ending

like my world was ending

everything and everyone was judging me 

it was as if i was going insane

my panic had started to increase steadily

my fingers were tangled in my hair

and i was pacing tirelessly

trying to calm myself down but nothing seemed to work

it was no use

my head was going a million thoughts per second

and i couldn't catch up

in a moment of desperation, i had called him

he was my home

he was where i found comfort

in a perfect world,

we would've been together

i would've loved him 

and he would love me

if only

but the truth is, love is one of the many unpredictable things in life

somehow, i ended up falling for you, instead.

no matter what i was feeling i had still 

loved you

you were the one i wanted

you were the one who i wanted to confide in, love, spend my afternoons with, and grow old with.

it never made me feel great, being with him just made me forget

it was my only source of comfort

as much as i loved you

he was the one who was always there

that's the thing about unrequited love 

no matter how much you have in your life, 

it wasn't enough

i needed you

i loved you

and he

he loved me

he had me

but

it wasn't the same

he knew that i hadn't loved him

i was just using him to help release some of the pressure 

and he was doing the same

our love was imperfect 

we were broken

i had made eye contact with you as he was carrying me out to take me home

.

.

.

.

.

. . .𝚒𝚏 𝗈𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚢𝗈𝗎 𝚑𝖺𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝖺𝚍. . .