Where The Moon Meets The Sun (Stanley Barber x male oc)

Chapter 4 | rain is pouring down on my heart |

One of the longer chapters!!! Enjoy💗

tw: internalized homophobia (it gets bad so if you have internalized homophobia you might wanna skip the first few paragraphs), insomnia mentioned and implied sexual content (nothing graphic at all)

(word count: 2700)

（〃｀ 3′〃）

"Auston?" I whirl my head around meeting Sydney's eyes. She's standing in my doorway while I'm trying to get ready for my first sort of date with Stanley. "Yeah, what's up?" I ask turning back around to search through my closet. Sid looks rather nervous.

"Are you gay?" she asks me straight up just like that. I freeze mid-closet swipe. "Why are you asking?" I ask looking at Sydney through my closet mirror. "I heard what you said when we were hanging out with Dina," she says picking at her nails. I feel my eyes going glossy and try very hard to keep smiling.

"That was just a joke" I shrug continuing my outfit search. Really I'm just staring at nothing trying to hold in my tears.

I feel very fucking stupid. Just because I can't keep my fucking mouth shut. I just had a say a stupid fucking joke. And for what? Just for me to fuck it all up. Great going ass, now you can't even keep brave for your twin. It's beyond horrible to feel this venerable.

"It's ok if you are," Sydney whispers stepping further into the door opening. I pray she'd just leave. My tears are not just gonna disappear. "Okay," I say, cursing myself for the little voice crack that overcomes me. I try to act like I couldn't give less of a fuck, pretending like I'm looking at various outfit options. A tear falls and I quickly wipe it away. I can hear Sydney walking over to me, she turns me around and hugs me. Surprised by the sudden contact I lose it. I fucking lose it. I'm crying and crying and crying and when I'm finally done I notice I slid down to the ground. Sid is still hugging me. I try to wipe my tears away. 

"This is fucking bullshit" I choke out. Sid lets me go and looks at me with the most concern I've ever seen on her. I hate it. I hate it when people feel like they need to make me feel better. I'm such a fucking burden. I tried not to do that to Sydney and look at me now.

"What are you talking about?" she asks confused. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to just forget about it. It was supposed to be a phase. I still don't like girls. What is wrong with me?" I ask before bursting out in tears, again. "Nothing is wrong with you," Sid says hushed trying to get me to look at her. I hide my face in my hands. "Yes, there is. Every guy here likes girls, except for me. There must be something wrong with me"

"I'm sure you're the bravest guy here. There must be tons of gay guys here who are just to afraid to let themselves be themselves. You even told me. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means you're different. Not in a bad way either" "Different is bad here" "Not to me, or Dina or Stanley fucking Barber" Sid grins at me. I laugh and wipe my face with the underside of my shirt. 

"Come on get up" Sid offers me a hand after she gets up. Sydney goes to lie down on my bed. I give her a 'are you serious right now' glare. She doesn't notice. "So... where are you going?" "Stanley's gonna pick me up at 8, but I don't know where we're going yet" I admit immediately regretting doing so.

"So....?" "What 'so'?" I ask "Is Stanley a possible love intere-?" "Maybe" I quickly mumble pursing my lips right after. "You're gonna go to that party with Dina, right?" I ask changing topics and smirking at Sydney. "Yes..." she slowly says quirking an eyebrow. "D'you like her?" I ask in a teasing tone. "No," Sid says a little too quickly.

"It's ok if you do" I copy Sydney in high pitched voice. "Seriously though?" "Of course, I notice that sort of stuff," I say leaning against the door of my bathroom and going to fix my hair. Sydney hums a questionable hum.