What Goes Around Comes Around

Don't Leave Me

"I'm dead."
"No you ain't."
"I am, and you've killed me."

Finding the car was easier than I expected, turns out she parked it fairly close to the offices but had wandered the streets in a drunken, chem hazed, confusion. Wasn't surprising. I've never seen anyone in that kinda state. She's still under the influence, you can see it in her eyes, the wobble in her walk.

I made her come with me to find the car, mainly cause I was pretty damn certain she'd bail. She was all paranoid and jumpy like a damn deer, like she was just waiting for a chance to escape.

I don't know if you've ever been hunting, but wild animals are unpredictable, and she is just like that. Sometimes you catch a squirrel or a rabbit in a trap and they gnaw their own leg off in a attempt to escape. I see the same look in Vanessa's eye as she looks between me and the door of the car as I start it.

"Don't even think about it."
"Hmm?"
"Don't play dumb, Nessie. Do not jump out o' the car. Not while it's movin', not while it's stationary."

She clenches her fists, and sighs, staring out the window, resting her chin on her hand. There's dried blood smeared on the steering wheel.

I feel bad for doing this to her. I don't reckon he's gonna kill her, but she is gonna be in for a hell of a night and I feel kinda evil for taking her back.

Doing bad shit has never bothered me, hurting people has never bothered me. It still don't. Not really. But doing bad shit to her feels different.

"Porter," "don't."
The way she says it makes my stomach turn.
"Don't what?"

I look away from the road to look at her. Her stare is sickening.

"Don't say my name and look at me like I'm the best damn thing that ever happened to you. Like the world ain't the fuckin' same without me."

"But you probably are."

We need to stop. I know that. She must know that. The longer we carry on this fling the more dangerous it gets.

Her eyebrows pull down and she wraps her arms around herself, pressing her damp clothes closer to her skin. I take her hand with a sigh, keeping one on the wheel.

"I can't help it, you know. The short time we spend together means the world to me," I look at her out of the corner of my eye, "I know maybe it's just a fling to you, maybe I'm just a sexual partner along the way but for me... You're..." Her breath catches in her throat and she shakes her head, turning her face away, looking back out the window.

"Y'ain't just some easy lay t'me, Nessie."
"Then why do you want to get rid of me?"

I almost pull the car over right there and then. It makes me angry, it's kinda irrational but she's acting like she's some kinda burden to me.

"The hell are you on about?"
She blinks at me with a confused look on her face, and then frowns, "well you want us to end. Whatever we are."

That does make me pull over. I slam on the breaks when we get to a safe part of the road and turns to face her. One of her hand flies to her seatbelt, unbuckling it, and the other reaches for the door handle. I grab her wrist and she flinches.

She looks down at her arm, the same look that I described from before, like she was working out if she could live without it.

"I sure as shit don't wanna get rid of you. I do not want this," I wave a hand in the same way she did, "to end. Mkay? But Vanessa you married him. I can't change that."

She twitches, her hand doesn't leave the door. I said it firmer than I meant to but I don't take it back.

"There ain't much we can do about that. He ain't exactly gonna let you divorce him, so what do you want me to say? The longer we keep this up the riskier it gets."