"(Y/n) you need to eat something, both me and mom are worried about you", renee told me as we cleaned up.
It had been 2 months since Bucky had left and my life had gone downhill.
"I have ate something", I told her whipping down the last table.
"Oh yea, when was the last time you ate", she asked and I flinched.
"I ate a bagel this morning", I told her but she didn't look convinced, and I couldn't blame her.
Since Bucky had left I had grew deppressed. Barley eating, to the point where you could see how small I'd gotten.
The once thing Bucky tried to do, he had already failed, my leg had become my cutting bored.
But no once knew that, ofcourse.
"Listen you should come on out with me and my freinds get a little air", she offered
I forced a smile,"I really do want to go but I promised my neighbor to go have lunch with her, I'm gonna be eating".
She smiled at me and gestured to the door,"ok then get going and look good".
***
Back at the apartment I slid on a pair of shorts, flinching at the cuts that littered my thigh.
Bucky would've hated seeing me like this,his promises to save me were useless, he couldnt save me from myself.
I picked up the razor blade and hesitantly looked at it.
No one would care if I hurt myself, the only family I had, had been bucky, but he left so I was alone again.
I cut my leg, flinching as the blade dug into my skin.
The bloods trickled down my leg and I threw the razor in the sink, wrapping bandages around my thigh.
As I was wrapping my thigh, a crash came from the kitchen.
I froze and lazily tied up the rest of my thigh, and grabbed the knife that was under the sink.
Bucky had it there for things like this.
Creeping out, I seen a bent over person on the couch.
They were letting out a low groan and I side stepped around him, holding the knife in my hand and gasped.
Bucky sat hunched over himself, holding onto this stomch, his hand stained red.
"(Y/nickname) im... I'm sorry....I'm sorry", he gasped out and flinched.
"Bucky what happened", I whispered falling to my knees holding one of his arms.
"Stabbed...I'm sorry", he said and I laid him down.
"Here dont move dont move, I'll get a towel", I said and he whimpered as i left his side.
I came back holding a towel and sowing stuff.
"Bucky I need to...um", I froze and gestured to his shirt.
"Please...please", he whispered and I slowly grabbed the end of his shirt, lifting it up slowly.
My mind already could image what had happened, but it didnt stop me from gasping as I looked at all the blood he had gushing out his side.
I put the towel on his side and flinched when he let out a whimper of pain,"sorry sorry".
He shook his head as I cleaned it to the point I could see the wound more clearly.
"Bucky I need to stich it up, do you have anything to bite on", I asked and he looked at the holster of a knife pouch.
Giving it to him, I slowly began to stich him up.
Halfway through the stitchings, he passed out from blood loss his head rolling back.
"No no no", I whispered finishing the stitches and pouring a little alcohol on it.
Quickly cleaning up, I felt his pulse and sighed as I felt his heart beat.
I sat by him on one of the barstools, looking out at one of the window.
After awhile Bucky finally started to stir, trying to get up, I hopped off the stool and went to his side.
"Bucky stop you'll hurt yourself", I told him, pushing down on his chest trying to get him to lay back down but he shook his head.
"No I'm fine", he said but I pushed him down, sitting on the edge of the couch.
"Bucky you arent fine, you have a stab wound that I had to stich up, you are not ok", I said looking away from him.
I couldnt bring myself to look him in the eye.
"I'm sorry", he said and I felt his eyes look to me but i didn't dare look back.
"Why do you keep saying that, when you came in you kept saying you were sorry", I said.
His eyebrows furrowed,"arent you mad at me", he asked.
"Why would I be mad", i whispered and he frowned.
"I hurt you badly and...and I hate that I did and I'm so sorry", he said and I flinched, I still loved him and it hurt me knowing that he was having to apologize.
"Bucky you dont need to apologize", I said and took my hand off his chest.
"Do you want me to get you water or anything", I asked him but his eyes weren't looking up at me.
They were on my thigh were I froze.
A bit of blood was slowly trickling down my leg, I cursed myself for not wrapping it up tighter.
Bucky reached out with his robot arm and slowly touched the bit of blood.
"I didnt hurt you when I passed out did I", bucky asked his voice laced with guilt.
I shook my head and he hesitantly pushed my shorts up a bit.
I held my breath, wanting to step away and not let him touch my scars, but at the same time I wanted to burst into tears and hug him.
He could see the grey hand towel wrapped around my leg and looked up to me.
He slowly unwrapped the bandage, the cool metal of his arm brushed against my skin and I closed my eyes tightly as the towel fell to the ground.
I heard bucky suck in a breath before he put his hand back on my thigh and wrapped the other one around my waist, hugging my lower body.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you like this", he sobbed, tears were streaming down my face to as I bent down to hug him.
"Bucky please dont cry", I told him, running my fingers through his hair trying to calm us both down.
"I didn't want to leave but It got the better of me, I couldn't hurt you, but I already did", he said and I bite back a sob.
"Bucky stop please", I said and got down on my knees carefully not to hurt him and wrapped my arms around his neck laying my head on his shoulder.
"Bucky I'm not mad at you, for anything, I still love you", I whispered out, flinching.
"Why", he asked and my heart panged.
"Cuz your all I have left", i whispered and his arms tightened around my body.
"Can you forgive me", he asked and I nodded more tears stringing down my face.
"Just dont leave me again", I asked back and he nodded.
"I promise".
