ξεχνάμε

Part 1

                                                                                    ~~~~/\/\/\~~~~

                            I've been telling everyone I'm fine but I feel like I lost my mind

                                                                                            ~Games

                                                                                       ~~~~/\/\/\~~~~

I had seen an eclipse before. I also knew with absolute certainty that this wasn't an eclipse.

The visions have been coming and going. The Sun filled them. The golden melting star dripped from the sky. It was horrific and beautiful. Breathtaking, figuratively and literally. Gone, destroyed.

There was nothing left. Absolutely nothing. It left nothing and no one alive. Then there was an endless black void and I couldn't talk, couldn't think. There was only choking panic, desperation, fear.

I struggled to break free of the curse of vision, this apocalyptic future. It was pressuring my ribs and crushing my lungs, stealing my breath.

I couldn't drown in this. Not when I had escaped so many times. Not this time.

Then I heard him. His whisper was my anchor.

"No!" Some other voice yelled at me, "no, don't,. . . . you can't. . . "

As I pushed the lies away his voice anchored me.

"Ilsa. You're safe. I have you, come back to me, Ilsa. Please, you're safe with me. Breath, Ilsa." He murmured into my ear. "Please come back."

I struggled, trying to grasp a breath. I needed air. I saw myself and Swam toward my body, my consciousness. My head broke the surface, and I became aware of tears running down my face, and cold sweat running all the way down my back from my neck. I felt the arms that anchored me to this world wrapped around me. I heard the rain thud, thud, thudding on the car's roof. I tried to slow my racing heartbeat to match the calm steady rain.

"Ilsa, please." He whispered, "speak to me, stay with me. I love you, please, come back."

He sobbed into my shoulder, tortured by the unknown void that I had lost myself in. I felt horrible. I made him keep my secret. I made him not tell anyone about my visions.

"I'm right here, Irving." I said, "I'm fine."

I turned in his hold, resting my head on his chest. His heartbeat was loud against my ear.

Dub-dub. Dub-dub. Dub-dub. Dub-dub.

It was steady. It was calmer than the rain. It was safe and it was alive and beating.

"Thank heavens," Irving said, "but don't you dare try to tell me that you're fine."

I reached up, and brushed away the tears that streaked down his face.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his shirt. He smoothed wayward strands of hair behind my ears, and lifted my face to his. Wiping my tears away, he looked deep into my eyes. I looked carefully back. I saw how worried Irving had been that I would never come back. That one day my sanity would slip away, and that I would never truly see him again.

I closed the gap between us, and kissed him, my mouth melting against his. My hands slipped into his hair, and he pulled me closer to him until I couldn't tell where he started and I began. His tears ran down my face, until I couldn't be sure that they weren't coming from my eyes.