KomaHina And KamuKoma OneShots

🖤Denial❤️️

Finally, a Hajime-centric oneshot.
This is a gift fic for a friend of mine, who helped me write it. Hope it came out okay!

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Hinata awoke groggily. He rolled over in bed, before sitting up. He sighed, and got up. He began his usual morning routine, brushing his teeth and getting dressed. As he brushed his teeth, some vague hints of memories came to him from the previous day. Oh. Right. The memories that he could barely grasp brought sickness to his stomach, nearly choking on his toothbrush. Why was he like this? Hinata's thoughts wandered to what little he could recall from yesterday. Yesterday, when he was claiming to be someone else. Yesterday, when he was faking a serious disorder. Yesterday, when he was being a delusional attention whore of a kid. Hinata dropped the toothbrush and washed his mouth out with water. He hit himself in the head with a grimace. What was he thinking? The things he said... The way he acted... It was all disgusting! There is no Izuru Kamukura! Hajime Hinata is just a stupid, delusional child who was so desperate to be special he pretended to have dissociative identity disorder. How pathetic.

Hinata fell onto the floor of the bathroom, hands wrought in his hair. He was just a filthy little liar. A disgusting attention seeker. A useless delusional kid. He was normal. There was nothing wrong with him. He was just such a liar he even fooled himself. There couldn't be anything wrong with him.

Hinata's thoughts drifted to his memories of the previous day. Why was it so hard to remember? Why could he only recall a few things, and why did they always feel like he viewed the memories through a lens? Why did the things he said while pretending to be "Izuru" never feel like something he'd say? Was he just that delusional and crazy that he couldn't recall his own words? Even though it all felt so... disconnected, that didn't mean he was a system. He just... sometimes has off days where he's a little more cold, and coupled with his poor memory it just made him seem like he might have a disorder. That didn't mean anything was wrong with him! It was just a coincidence. Just a crazy coincidence for a crazy kid.

Hinata was surprised to feel a small drop of water hit his hand where he gripped his pant leg tightly. It was quickly followed by another, and then another. He lifted his hand to his face, and realized he was crying. Violent sobs racked his body and soon it became hard to even breathe. Hinata buckled over, burying his head in his legs. What the hell was wrong wrong with him? Why did his head feel so fuzzy? Why did he have so many holes in his memory? Why did he become so cold and uncaring some days? Why was he such a liar? Why was he such an attention whore? Why, why, why why? Why couldn't he just be normal?

Hinata completely broke down, his mind slowly turned blank and he felt unable to think. Violent sobs kept racking his body but there was no emotion behind them. He was completely dissociated without even realizing it. Suddenly, a loud knock hit the bathroom door. Hinata didn't respond. He couldn't hear it. Or maybe he could and he just couldn't register it. Not even he could be sure.

It took a few minutes of knocking for him to finally come to, and realize someone was trying to get his attention. Hinata stood quickly, immediately having his vision black out for a few seconds. He cursed his iron deficiency, and slowly made his way to the door, opening it up. On the other side was his roommate, Nagito Komaeda, with a worried expression on his face. The boy's frown deepened upon seeing Hinata's tear stained cheeks.

"Hinata-Kun, right?" Komaeda asked. Hinata had told him that he was a system before, and he regretted it deeply. He wasn't a system at all. He was just a normal kid.

"Yeah." Hinata said with annoyance creeping into his voice. Annoyance at himself. "I'm Hajime Hinata. Always have been, always will be."

"Huh?" Komaeda asked. "What do you mean?"

"There is no Izuru Kamukura." Hinata continued, eyes angrily tearing up again. "And I'm not a system. I don't have a disorder, Komaeda. I'm just a stupid, crazy, delusional, attention seeking little kid. There's not supposed to be anything wrong with me. I'm supposed to be a normal guy, not some crazy weirdo with no sense of what's real!"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down!" Komaeda said. "Where is all of this coming from?"

"I," Hinata started, burying his pained face into his hands. "I feel like I'm losing my damn mind, Komaeda! I just- I'm so fucking confused! I can't tell what's real half the time. I don't want to be crazy. I don't want to be messed up. I'm just a normal kid. So why doesn't it feel like it?" Hinata's tone took on a desperate note as he sobbed. Komaeda pulled him into a gentle hug and let him sob into his shirt.

"Hinata-Kun," He started. "I can't say whether or not you have DID, I can't say whether or not you're a system, and I can't say whether or not Kamukura-Kun exists. But either way, you aren't crazy. You're gonna be okay. Whether you're two people or one, I'm always going to love you. Please, remember that."

"Th-" Hinata choked out through sobs. "Thank you... Ko. I love... you too." Komaeda gave a sad smile and held Hinata closer.

"I'm sure this must be really hard." He said gently. "I'm sorry. But please try not to beat yourself up over this. Regardless of if you really are plural or not, it doesn't matter. Either way, you're still you, and I still love you. If you decide you aren't, then that's okay. That doesn't make you a liar, it just means you had a hard time and weren't sure for a while. That's alright. And if you are, that's okay too. You already know I'll happily accept both you and Kamukura-Kun. See, either way it's gonna be okay."

All Hinata could do in response is nod shakily, still clinging on to Komaeda like a lifeline. Komaeda ran his hand through Hinata's hair comfortingly. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of the boy's head.

"I love you so much, Hinata-Kun." He said again. "You're so beautiful, and strong, and smart, and amazing. Please never think any different."

Again, all Hinata could do was nod. He felt his tears soak through Komaeda's jacket, but the boy didn't seem to mind.

"I really don't deserve you, Ko." Hinata murmured, speaking with a combination of love for his boyfriend and hatred of himself.

"You deserve the world, Hinata-Kun." Komaeda said reverently. Hinata reached his hands up to hold Komaeda's face.

"Oh Komaeda, I already have it right here."