Beneath the Surface

chapter 3

TW: Mentions of abuse and self-harm

*2 months later*

JJ's POV
Emily was finally getting out of the hospital today. She had been in there for so long. So many things were broken: her left hand, her right arm, several ribs, her nose, and her left foot. She got her casts taken off her hand and arm this week, but had to keep one on her foot. It was so badly broken you could see it bending the wrong way. I couldn't even imagine the pain that she was in. I went to pick her up from the hospital and make sure that she was settled in at home.
We all cleaned up her house and made sure that everything that needed to be replaced was. She was outside her door and stood there for a while. She said that everything was different. I told her that we cleaned it up for her. I could see her trying to hide her pain and fear. I told her that we don't have to go in. She could stay with me for a while. Until she was ready to go back or if she needs to find a new home. She said thank you, but politely denied. Then, she started to go in. Seeing her on crutches made my heart break. Although she looked worse before, she looked sadder now. She was returning to the place where she was supposed to feel the safest, but was taken from. She told me that she was fine and that I could go now.

Emily's POV
After JJ left I just stood there and looked around. Almost everything in the room was new. I wanted to be able to relax, but I could not sit on the couch, especially since it was in the same exact spot as before. I went to the kitchen and my whole fridge was stocked. I love my team so much. They are so thoughtful and I hate that I can't be with them. All I want to do is go back to the BAU. It's my second home. I just need the cast off my foot, so I can walk properly and actually drive. The doctors said that I would go back in two weeks to see if I could get the cast off or not. Until that day I have nothing to do but sit and wait.

*1 week later*

The FBI has been making me see a therapist two times a week since I got out of the hospital. It's horrible. I just make up some crap that i'm coping and I feel free or whatever. Half of the time I think she buys it. Leaving me alone almost seems dangerous. It gives me time to think and thinking gives me memories and memories turn to nightmares. I can't really sleep, so i'm tired all of the time. I use up the little energy I have to lie. I lie to everyone telling them i'm okay and they don't have to stay with me. Admitting this to myself has been so hard, but i'm not okay. I need help, but this therapist seems to have no interest in me and just wants to do her job and leave. If I reach out to anyone on the team they'll tell everyone else and I can't let everyone know i'm struggling. Deep down I think that they all might know, but the slightest possibility that they don't I can't tell them.

*2 days later*

Derek, Penelope, and I were just eating lunch and talking when they got calls saying that they had to go in because they had a case. My face dropped, but I pasted a smile back on hoping they didn't notice. They said they were sorry and that someone would come by later tonight. I nodded and when the door closed I sat and stared in silence. I've done this a lot but this time I stared at smaller things like the crumbs left on their plates and the knife missing from the block. It was in the drying rack because I had used it yesterday. I went over and grabbed it. The tv was on, but I wasn't really watching it. I was playing with the knife I had grabbed a few hours ago. Twirling it around and brushing it over my finger so carefully trying not to cut myself. Alas, I pricked my fingertip but it didn't really hurt. In a way it actually made me feel better.

JJ's POV
At around 9:30 I went to go check on Emily and see how she was doing and maybe watch a movie with her. I knocked, just to respect her privacy, but there was no answer. I was thinking she was in the bathroom, so I used my key to go inside and I yelled to say hi. She still didn't respond, so I knocked on the bathroom door. Still no response. The door was unlocked and I was getting worried, so I opened it. What I saw will haunt me forever.

Sorry to leave you on a bit of cliff hanger, but I wanted to add some suspense. I will try and update the story as soon as I can. Let me know what you think about it.