Heaven is a Place, This is a Place

This Is a Place

Frank got up early for work, thinking about quitting more than ever. And it was one of those days where he wondered if he could just quit and go back to music.

But instead, he put on his jeans and shirt, and went on.

He served his coffee, humming a song he was working on the night before, and put on a jacket.

To be fair, he was more anxious than in a good mood. He only needed the day to go by quickly. At least until lunch. He had managed to get Rick, another one of the managers to cover half of his shift so he could leave early.

The morning rush was slow. It was a Tuesday, which usually only brought their regular customers. And after two more of his employees got there, he spent a couple hours in the office. When he walked out, he put on the headset and took orders while making drinks to keep himself distracted from everything. He messed up a couple times, made someone angry when he said he couldn't give the customer a special discount, and almost slipped on the floor.

But as soon as Rick walked in at noon, he left. Not without making a venti white mocha on his way out.

He hadn't been this nervous and excited in a while. Was it a date? Or just hanging out? Whatever it was, he was shaking.

Even after what happened the other day, he still didn't know where he and Gerard stood. Were they trying to give their relationship another chance? Was this just a friends with benefits thing? How would it work with his marriage and the kids? And if they started to date, he was aware of how different it'd be than when they were back in the band. But thinking about it, was giving him anxiety.

He'd been doing alright for the last couple years, had stopped smoking for a while but then started again after his grandfather died. And all he wanted at that moment was to get drunk enough to not think, which he realized was a little hypocritical.

He just didn't know how to do it.

He knew they couldn't go out openly, for obvious reasons. The chances of them getting caught, together, looking like it's a date. It could be disastrous, for both of them. He didn't want that to affect Gerard and send him back into depression or alcohol again. And he didn't want his kids to find out that way.

And it wasn't like they ever properly dated. Unless you counted hiding in bathrooms and greenrooms as dating. Were they even dating? Fuck, now he was thinking way too hard.

When he parked his car outside the Way house, he took a deep breath. It felt exactly like fifteen years before, when he'd visit Gerard and help him with the songs, and they would drink all night, and one beer led to the next. Or when he'd crash after a show and they would smoke pot and talk all night, and then Frank would kiss Gerard until they fell asleep cuddling. Gerard was always his safe place.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, or force himself to forget about him, or how toxic their relationship could be at times, he had never felt as complete as when he was with Gerard. He understood every part of him. The good parts, even when Frank couldn't see them. And all the broken ones, and he never tried to fix him. He loved Frank just the way he was.

Now he was outside his door again, vulnerable as ever.

What was he supposed to say?

Let's give it a chance.

I want you back.

Let's do what we should have done ten years ago.

He couldn't.

For a second, he considered leaving, calling Gerard and telling him that they couldn't see each other anymore. That maybe it wasn't the best idea. But just the thought of breaking Gerard's heart, and his own in the process. He couldn't do it.