"i still don't understand" jaehyun sat across the mother of his child, everything still felt unreal, it never once occurred in his thoughts that yoon-oh's mother could have been sooyoung and not some random girl he just found on the streets.
sooyoung shut her eyes tight before taking a deep breath. "i tried" she looked down at her hands placed on her lap. "i really did."
"so you abandoned a month old baby, your own child in my doorsteps?? what if i didn't find him?? what if someone else got him instead?? what you did was almost as good as killing an innocent baby." jaehyun couldn't help and raised his voice but lowered it down when he realized yoon-oh was just on the other side of the room playing with sungchan.
sooyoung flinched before tears started to form in her eyes again, it took her almost an hour to calm down from earlier's events and now she's crying again. jaehyun sighed, feeling guilty. "look... i- i just" he ran a hand through his hair. "fine. explain, i'll listen"
it took the girl a few seconds to regain herself again. "the moment i found out... it never once occurred in my thoughts to get rid of" she breathed heavily, staring across the room, jaehyun knew she was looking at yoon-oh.
"i wasn't sure if you were the same. we weren't together, and you- well, you never really seemed like the responsible type" jaehyun couldn't help but feel embarrassed, he knew well that the girl's words were true.
"so i moved on, even when my parents didn't support me, so i had to work for my expenses until i gave birth" she bit her lip at the painful memories.
"it was postpartum they said, it wasn't advisable for me to handle the baby alone afterwards, and i- i still wanted to take care of him, i thought it would be gone in a few weeks,but it only got worse" sooyoung didn't try to stop her tears this time.
"i couldn't face you" she continued playing with her hands, until now she still felt embarrassed facing him.
"i admit i was irresponsible, but i would never abandon my own son" back then, the thought of being a parent never crossed jaehyun's mind, his life definitely took a big turn when yoon-oh came to his life, sure he wasn't the best father, but tried, and sooyoung did too, yoon-oh wss the unlucky one to have parents like them.
"i came back to your apartment 2 years ago, you weren't there anymore."
"why are you here?" jaehyun asked, what he of course wanted to ask was why she was in the hospital wearing a hospital gown and looking like she hasn't slept in days.
sooyoung smiled weakly. "lukemia"
jaehyun felt his stomach drop, his feelings for sooyoung had always been platonic, even if they played around a lot or slept with each other a lot, she wasn't someone jaehyun could just throw away after sleeping with, she was his friend.
sooyoung must've noticed the look on his face, she chuckled softly, "i deserve this. i'm just being punished by the gods."
they both agreed that it would be hard to explain things to yoon-oh, they wanted to take things slow.
sooyoung only wanted to spend as much time with the child before her body would give in and finally stop functioning, and jaehyun felt that he had no right to stop her, even if has done some bad things, she was still yoon-oh's mother.
"yi?" jaehyun spoke through the phone, sounding tired.
"i was just about to call you, is everything alright?" yiren asked.
the boy took a deep breath before explaining everything, every detail. it would have been better if they could speak in person, but this was all they had for now, jaehyun needed someone.
and yiren was the only one that jaehyun could lean on at times like this.
"jae? that's great! yoon can finally meet his real mommy" yiren tried to sound excited, she failed, she couldn't stop the tears from falling no matter how hard she tried. the words she was about to say next couldn't leave her mouth, there was a lump on her throat that she just couldn't swallow.
"jae? you know i love you right?" this time it was jaehyun who's words got stuck at the back of his throat.
the thing is, yiren was happy for yoon, she didn't feel any hatred for sooyoung whom she's never met before, she could never hate the person who brought such a bright and lovely baby into the world.
there were things she was obligated to do, for her parents, for her brother, for her family, their business was failing, only she could save it.
yiren promised to never be selfish again. but sometimes, being selfless is even worse.
-end-
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