AOT Headcanons / Oneshots

Armin Arlert - Letters (spoilers)

Type: Angst

Plot: Due to Armin being a titan shifter, his life expectancy was cut short, and he knows and understands this. He left something behind for his friends for when he's gone and eventually, he was gone. Which is when you find some letters in a drawer. 

A/N: There's an angst playlist I listened to while writing. Search up "Angsty Fanfic Reading" on Spotify and click the bakugou picture one if you want to listen while reading

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POV: First person

It had been a few weeks since Armin's death, and it's been hard, to be honest. I haven't been myself lately because of it, and I'm sure the others have taken notice. Although Mikasa has also been struggling, she seemed to move on faster than I have. I definitely admire her for that. I've been crying myself to sleep almost every night, and when I didn't, it was because I couldn't sleep at all. 

After taking a walk down the hall, I realize I walked past Armin's room. It felt cold. It could be because the window was open, but it could be because of its emptiness—a reminder he's not here anymore. That I couldn't visit him after training. That I couldn't sit on his bed and read a book with him. A reminder that I would never hear him talk about the ocean again. 

I decide to walk in. I'm not sure why, though. I haven't been in Armin's room since he left. I always avoided it since I didn't want all of those memories coming back. But I guess it's too late for that now. 

I look around a bit. Nothing had changed. The bed was made like how he made it that last morning. His window open just a crack—his old uniform under the bed. Eventually, my sight began to blur, only for me to realize I'm crying. No sound was actually coming out, but it felt like I was screaming.

I didn't want to touch anything in here: the bed, the walls, his nightstand. I tried to avoid it as much as possible. Still, eventually, my curiosity got the better of me once I noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the drawer from his nightstand. My hand was shaking as I reach down to open the drawer. Not that I was scared of anything happening. I didn't expect anything to. But the pain of standing in this room alone is causing me to shake uncontrollably. Almost as if i just couldn't bare it.  

I take them out to get a better look at them. They were obviously written by Armin as if he already knew he wouldn't be able to give them to us himself. As if he intended for one of us to find the pile. I set down Mikasa's and Levi's envelopes onto the nightstand and hold mine in my hand. I almost didn't want to open it, but I knew he wanted to tell me something. 

I simply glide my fingertips around the envelope. It was so nicely put together. He put a lot of thought into this, which isn't really shocking when talking about Armin. I hesitantly and carefully pulled on the twine that kept it closed and lay it onto the nightstand with the other letters. I gently pull out the letter and unfold it as I set the envelope on my lap. Opening the folded letter took a lot more strength than I'm willing to admit.

"Moni, 

If you're holding this letter in your hand, then this probably means I'm gone. I'm so sorry I left you. Please know I never meant to, and I've always loved you. Even after this letter, I still love you. I always will. Please, don't blame yourself for what happened. Don't overthink it either, even though it's probably what I would've done, to be honest. What happened after this letter, don't put the blame on you. You've only been there for me. You've been my support; My best friend. You're the love of my life. You never cease to amaze me. You always put others first, and I admired that so much in you. Moni. Please live on. Live for you but also for me. Visit the beach for me. I'm so proud of how far you've come and how much you've grown. I know even after I'm gone, you're going to save countless lives. I'm so proud of you. I'll be watching over you. I can't wait to see you again. I love you, Moni."

                                                                                                       Your Love, 

                                                                                                                       Armin A. 

"Armin..." That's all I was able to get out before breaking into a sob. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I needed him back, but there was no way to get him. He's gone. No more ocean visits. No more library dates. No more naps together. No more memories together. I can't hear him go on about the outside world anymore. I can't listen to him laugh at Jean and Connie's bickering anymore. This letter was the last time I could hear him. The closest I've gotten to him in weeks. The closest I'll ever get to him again. It didn't feel like the fairytale it once was—no more happy ending. 

Not with him.

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A/N: Y'all im cryin- i rlly did this to myself. Anyway, my first angst :,). Hope you like that playlist btw (i dont take creds for it).