My rant book

IM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS

I DONT WANT TO DIE I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO REALIZE THAT I COULD DIE. THAT I COULD BE GONE AT ANY MOMENT AND THEY DIDNT CHERISH ME AND LOVE ME AND VALUE ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW MUCH THEY HURT ME IN THIS LIFE. I WANT TO MAKE THEM REGRET EVERYTHING THEY DID TO ME. I WANT THEM TO LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE AND REALIZE HOW MUCH THEY DID WRONG BY ME. HOW ALONE I WAS. HOW I HAD NO ONE ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO DIE. BUT I CANT GO ON WITHOUT PEOPLE KNOWING. I NEED PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW VALUABLE I AM BEFORE IM GONE. AND SOON I MIGHT BE. WHEN I FINALLY DIE THEY WILL REALIZE HOW MUCH I MATTERED. I WANT THEM TO FEEL THE HEARTACHE AND BROKENNESS I WENT THROUGH DURING MY SHORT LIFE. I CAN STILL FEEL EVERY INSULT AND BRUISE AND PUNCH AND KICK AND WORD AND COMMENT AND LOOK. I WANT THEM TO KNOW I HEARD IT ALL. ALL THE JUDGEMENT AND ALL THE RUMORS. I CAN STILL FEEL HIM PRESSES AGAINST ME AFTER HE CLIMBED INTO MY BED WITHOUT PERMISSION. I WAS FUCKING TEN YEARS OLD. I WAS A CHILD. I WAS SO INNOCENT. HE RUINED ME. I NEED HIM TO KNOW THAT IT IS HIS FAULT I AM LIKE THIS. IT IS HIS FAULT AND EVERYONE WHO STOOD BY AND LET IT HAPPEN. EVERYONE I CAME TO AND SPILLED MY GUTS TO THEM AND THEY DID NOTHING. THEY LET IT CONTINUE. THEY COULD HAVE SAVED ME. I COULD HAVE ENDED UP SO DIFFERENT IF I HAD BEEN SAVED. IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE HERE FOR ME INSTEAD OF TURNING A BLIND EYE. INSTEAD OF PRETENDING THEY COULDNT SEE THE BRUISES AND THE EMPTY LOOKS. THEY KNEW I WAS SUFFERING AND THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME. WHY DIDNT THEY HELP ME. AM I THAT MUCH OF A BURDEN. I WANNA SCREAM AND SHOUT AND TRASH MY ROOM AND PUNCH THE WALLS UNTIL MY KNUCKLES ARE BLEEDING. I WANT TO EXACT MY VENGEANCE ON THINGS THAT WILL BREAK AND SHATTER UNDER THE WEIGHT OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME. I WANT TO SMOTHER THEM LIKE IVE BEEN SMOTHERED. I WANT TO RAGE. BUT I FUCKING CANT BECAUSE I WOULD BE A DISTURBANCE AND I WOULD GET IN THE WAY. SO I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT PUSH EVERYTHING DEEP DEEP DOWN. AND IM TERRIFIED BECAUSE WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH. WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I FINALLY SNAP. WHAT WILL I DO. AND I DONT KNOW AND SO I TRY AND LET SOMETHING OUT TO TRY AND LESSEN THE EXPLOSION THAT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN. BUT WHENEVER I TRY I GET BRUSHED ASIDE AND MORE OF THOSE HORRIBLE FEELING APPEAR AND THE EXPLOSION GETS BIGGER. I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS