10// I Want To Be Normal

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TW// Thinking lowly of self

Tommy POV

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I woke up feeling like shit. My throat was aching, my eyes were red and puffy from sobbing my eyes out and my arms stung.

Maybe sometime I will get better, although I wanna feel the sweet pain sensation I do want to feel more than sad and lonely. It's been a month. Ranboo stopped sending me letters. Does he hate me? Maybe it's because I'm annoying him? I mean I couldn't blame him.. I am pretty annoying. 

When Dream visits, he saying nothing. I just know what I always have to do.. throw my things in a pit only to blow them to shreds. I really don't get why Dream bothers to even visit anymore. If i'm being honest; I wish Dream spoke to me other than look at me with his beady black eyes that are enbedded into his mask. 

Ghostbur on the other hand doesn't visit as often. I don't think he cares either. I never would have thought Ghostbur of all people would stop seeing if I was okay. I never expected Ghostbur to leave me so quickly. Possibly was I being a pester? Maybe I was bothering him with my issues. Either way.. I understand. I don't blame him.

I wish Tubbo came to see me. I gave up with holding a grudge. Theres no point anymore. I hope that Tubbo is living a happy life without me. I hope he is doing better than me. I know Tubbo well and one thing for sure he isn't as happy as he used to be. Tubbo was so energetic and happy. He was the boy who wouldn't stop rambling on about bees and how cute they are. Tubbo always hung out on the bench with me.. of course my goddamn life was ruined. Why can't me, Tubbo, Ranboo and Purpled have a normal life? We are fucking kids! We shouldn't be trying to kill ourselfs, be a president or be in wars! I'm 16 goddammit! I want to be normal!

Puffy was right! We are kids! We are not mindless zombies! We aren't anyones "puppet" either! We are kids. Why can't anyone understand that? I want a normal life where i hang out with Tubbo and my friends. I want a normal life where I had all my lives left and where I could be outside without being tormented! Why do people not understand that? I want to be normal!

My life is ruined! I want to be happy! I want to be normal! I want to be a kid again!

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Ello! I'm back-

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